When a Child Loses a Grandparent: How to Help Them Grieve

For many children, the death of a grandparent is their first real experience of death. It’s the first time they learn that the people they love won’t always be here, and it often comes with big, surprising questions. At the same time, the grown-ups around them are usually grieving, too. If your child’s grandparent has died, you may be helping them through their first loss while you grieve your own mom or dad.

This guide shares what child grief experts recommend, in plain language, so you can help your child understand what happened, feel safe, and keep their grandparent close.

Why This Loss Matters So Much

Until a grandparent dies, many children simply don’t know that the people in their lives will die one day, so the news can come as a real shock. They’re not only missing their grandparent. They’re also trying to understand death itself for the first time.

How a child reacts depends a lot on how close they were. A grandparent who lived far away may leave a child a little sad and curious. A grandparent who babysat every day, lived in the house, or was raising them may leave a hole as deep as losing a parent. Try not to assume either way. Watch and listen to your child.

How to Tell Your Child

Use simple, honest words. Say that Grandma died, which means her body stopped working and won’t start again. She can’t eat, talk, or feel any pain anymore, and she won’t come back.

• Avoid “went to sleep,” “passed away,” or “we lost her.” Young children take words literally. A child who hears that Grandpa “went to sleep” may become afraid of bedtime.
• Expect to explain it more than once. Young children often don’t understand right away that death is permanent. They may ask when Grandma is coming back, even after you’ve told them. Answer gently and briefly each time.
• Share your beliefs after the plain facts. If your family has faith beliefs about heaven or the soul, share them. Children can hold both ideas, a body that has died and a spirit that lives on, as long as the physical part is explained clearly first.
• If Grandpa was sick, name the illness (“he had cancer” or “he had a very serious heart problem”). Being vague, like “he got really sick,” can make young children worry that anyone with a cold might die.

“Will You Die Too?”

Once a grandparent dies, many children start worrying about the next person: “Will Mom be next?” Reassure your child honestly that you will very likely live a long, long time, and that there are lots of people who love them and take care of them. You can’t promise you’ll never die, but you can help them feel safe.

Some children also quietly worry that they caused the death. Maybe they were noisy during a hospital visit, or wished Grandpa would stop being grumpy. Tell them clearly that nothing they did, said, or thought made this happen.

What You Might See

Children often grieve in short bursts. They may cry one minute and ask to go play the next. That’s a healthy way for them to handle big feelings, not a sign they didn’t care. You might also see:

• Lots of questions, sometimes very blunt ones, about the body, the funeral, or what happens after death
• Clinginess or trouble separating at bedtime or school
• Wanting to carry a photo of Grandma or wear something that belonged to Grandpa. That’s a comfort, so let them.
• Play or drawings about death, which is one way young children work things through
• For older kids and teens: quiet sadness, irritability, or trouble concentrating

When You’re Grieving Your Own Parent

This loss is different because it lands on two generations at once. You may be grieving your mom or dad while trying to hold everything together for your kids. Children look to the adults around them to learn how to grieve, so it’s okay, even helpful, for them to see you sad. You can say, “I’m crying because I miss Grandpa. I’m going to be okay, and it’s okay for you to feel sad too.”

Routines are comforting, so if you need time alone to grieve, ask relatives or friends to help keep your child’s days as normal as possible. And take care of yourself. Children do better when the adults around them are doing okay.

Explain What Will Change

If Grandma picked your child up from school, made Sunday dinner, or had sleepovers, let your child know what will happen now: who will pick them up, or how you’ll keep a tradition going. Knowing what to expect helps children feel secure.

If a Grandparent Was Raising Your Child

Many children live with a grandparent. In 2024, 8 percent of U.S. children lived in a household headed by a grandparent, according to Census data analyzed by the Pew Research Center, and about 2 million grandparents were responsible for raising their grandchildren. If your child’s grandparent was their main caregiver, this loss is closer to losing a parent. Our guide When a Child Loses a Parent and its free Family Toolkit apply to your family too, and it’s especially important to watch for signs your child needs extra support.

If Grandma or Grandpa Was Sick for a Long Time

When a grandparent dies after a long illness, children may have been grieving for a while already, watching them change or visiting them in hospice. Mixed feelings are normal, including relief that their grandparent isn’t hurting anymore. Let your child know that whatever they feel is okay. Our guide Helping Children Understand Hospice and Death and our free Carrying You With Me workbooks for illness loss can help.

The Funeral

Whether your child goes to the funeral is a family decision, and preparing them makes a big difference. Our guide Should Children Attend a Funeral? walks through how to decide and what to tell them. Giving a child a small role, like choosing a photo for the program, drawing a picture to tuck in the casket, or placing a flower, helps them feel part of the goodbye.

Keeping Their Grandparent Close

Grief experts call it continuing bonds: staying connected to the person who died, in healthy ways. For grandparents, this can be especially sweet:

• Make a memory box or scrapbook with photos, cards, and “facts” about Grandpa: his favorite food, his silly sayings, his favorite song
• Cook Grandma’s recipes together and tell stories while you do
• Keep a copy of the funeral program in your child’s memory box. Many children treasure it later.
• Ask relatives to write down a favorite memory for your child to keep. The family story cards in our printable make this easy.
• Visit a place they loved, or mark their birthday with something they enjoyed

For younger children, our free My Memory Book also has drawing pages, a feelings page, and a “Going to the Service” page to talk through before the funeral.

If you’re looking for words for the service, our Poems for Grandma’s Funeral Program and Poems for Grandpa’s Funeral Program include poems children can help choose or read.

When a Child Needs More Help

Most children, with love and time, gradually adjust. Talk with your child’s pediatrician, school counselor, or a grief professional if, after the first few months, a child:

• Still has ongoing trouble sleeping, eating, or at school
• Seems stuck in intense sadness, anger, or fear that isn’t easing
• Can’t stop worrying about their own death or yours
• Withdraws from friends and activities they used to enjoy

If a child talks about wanting to die, wanting to be with the person who died, or hurting themselves, get help right away. In the U.S., call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911 in an emergency.

Free Help for Grieving Children and Families

• Dougy Center: free tip sheets by age, including for preschoolers, plus a directory of grief support groups, in English and Spanish
• Child Mind Institute: a free guide to helping children cope with grief
• National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG): a national directory to find children’s grief programs near you
• Sesame Street in Communities: free videos and activities for young children, including a section on grief
• Your local hospice: many offer free grief groups for children and families, even if your loved one wasn’t in their care

More from us: Helping a Grieving Child in the Weeks and Months After, The First Holidays After a Loss, and Free Grief Coloring Pages for Kids.

Sources

• Child Mind Institute, Helping Children Deal With Grief and Helping Children Cope With Grief
• Dougy Center, Supporting Grieving Preschoolers
• Grief Encounter, Supporting a Child Through the Death of a Grandparent
• Child Bereavement UK guidance, via Preparing Children for Bereavement: Grandparents & Relatives
• Pew Research Center, 6 Facts About Grandparents in the U.S. (September 2026, using 2024 Census data)
• North Dakota State University Extension, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren (2026, using the 2024 American Community Survey)

Please note: Noted & Charmed is not a medical or mental health provider. This guide and printable are general information and comfort resources based on published guidance from child grief organizations. They are not therapy or medical advice, or a substitute for support from a pediatrician, counselor, or grief professional. Every child grieves differently. If you’re worried about your child, please reach out to their doctor or a licensed mental health professional. In a crisis, call or text 988 or call 911.

Looking for more gentle tools for grieving kids and families? See all of our free printables here.