What to Include in a Celebration of Life: A Planning Guide

The family has decided on a celebration of life, and somehow the planning has landed on you. Where should it be? Who speaks? Is it all right to laugh? Do you even need a funeral home?

I know what it's like to lose someone and then be handed a hundred decisions at once, when you can barely think straight.

So let's take it one piece at a time. Below is what most celebrations of life include, what people often forget until the last minute, and how to make room for everyone who loved them. Keep what sounds like your person, and let the rest go.

Jump to: First decisions · Words and stories · Music and photos · Ways to honor them · Room for everyone · Not feeling like celebrating · Practical details

A Few Decisions That Shape Everything

What they wanted. Look for written wishes, a prepaid plan, or anything they told you. If they said "no fuss," a small gathering at home still counts. And if they truly didn't want a service, a quiet family dinner in their honor is enough.

Where and with whom. A celebration of life can be held at a funeral home, a church, a park, a restaurant, or your own backyard. Under the Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule, you can buy only the funeral home goods and services you want. You don't have to take a package.

Now or later. A memorial gathering is held without the body present, so it doesn't have to happen within days. You can wait until family can travel, until the weather turns, or until you can breathe. If your faith calls for a quick burial, the celebration can simply come afterward.

One gathering or more. If family lives far apart, or two sides of a family don't get along, it's all right to hold two smaller gatherings, or one in person and one online.

Before they're gone. Some families hold a living celebration while their person can still be there to hear the stories. If someone you love is in hospice, it's worth asking them if they'd like one.

Who will lead it. A pastor or faith leader, a family member, a good friend, or a celebrant. Celebrants are trained to create ceremonies for people of any faith or no faith.

What it can cost. As little as you need it to. A church hall, community room, park or backyard, with friends each bringing a dish, can be just as meaningful as a catered hall. Ask friends to help with chairs, photos or setup. People want to help and often don't know how.

If they served. Military funeral honors are given only once, so if you'd like them, decide whether they belong at the celebration, the burial, or a later service. Our guide to military funeral honors explains how to arrange them.

Words and Stories

This is usually the heart of the day, and the part people remember.

• A welcome from whoever is hosting, to thank people for coming and set the tone.
• Their life story, told by one person or shared by a few. Our eulogy examples can help you start.
• A reading: a poem, a prayer, scripture, song lyrics they loved, or something they wrote themselves.
• Open sharing for guests. Ask for one or two minutes each, and choose a host who can gently close it when it's time.
• A closing: a blessing, a toast, or simply the words "Thank you for loving them with us."

Ask speakers before you put their names in the program, and tell them how long they have.

Music and Photos

• Their songs. Not only somber ones. The song they sang in the car may say more than any hymn.
• A slideshow or photo boards near the entrance, so people can look as they arrive. Here are our slideshow ideas and songs.
• Live music, if someone they loved plays.

Ways to Honor Who They Were

• A memory table with their hat, their tools, their recipe box, their fishing pole, and the urn if there is one.
• Memory cards or a guest book where people write a story for the family to keep.
• A dress code that sounds like them: their team's colors, their favorite color, or "come as you are."
• Something to do together: a game they loved, a walk or ride, a toast, a song everyone knows.
• Something to take home: a card, seeds, a bookmark, a recipe.
• A cause they cared about, if you'd like donations in their name.

A gentle word about balloon and lantern releases. Released balloons often come down as litter, and NOAA's Marine Debris Program warns that animals can eat them or get tangled in the strings. Florida made intentional balloon releases illegal in 2024, and many fire agencies, including some in California, ban sky lanterns because they can start fires. Candles, planting a tree, or each guest saying one word about them can be just as moving.

If you plan to scatter ashes, check the rules first. National parks require a permit; Joshua Tree, for example, charges $120 and asks that nothing be left behind. At sea, federal rules say ashes must be placed at least three nautical miles from land and the burial reported to the EPA within 30 days.

Making Room for Everyone

This is the part most planning guides skip, and it's the part that makes people feel welcome.

• People who can't come. Livestream or record it, and ask one person to test the setup ahead of time and run it on the day.
• Older guests and anyone with a disability. Chairs, shade, an accessible restroom, a step-free path, and a microphone so everyone can hear. If Deaf guests are coming, ask whether they'd like an ASL interpreter.
• Guests who get overwhelmed. A quiet room or corner helps people with dementia, autistic guests, little ones, and anyone who needs a minute alone.
• Family who speak another language. A bilingual program, a reading in their language, or someone to interpret.
• Children. They can take part, too, even with a small job like handing out programs. Our guide on whether children should attend can help you decide what's right for yours.
• Every part of their life. Their faith or no faith, both sides of a blended family, longtime partners who aren't on paper, friends who were family. A homegoing celebration in the Black church tradition has customs of its own; our Baptist funeral and homegoing guide explains them. If you're grieving someone the world doesn't see you as "allowed" to grieve, you're not alone.
• Food and drinks everyone can share. Label dishes, include something simple for guests with allergies, and if there's a toast, offer something without alcohol so everyone can raise a glass.
• Their pets, if the place allows. A dog by the memory table can say a lot.

It's All Right If You Don't Feel Like Celebrating

A celebration of life doesn't mean everyone has to be happy. Laughing and crying belong in the same room. If the death was sudden or painful, the day can be quiet and gentle instead. You get to decide what "celebration" means for your family. If the loss was traumatic, our gentle planning guide may help.

And take care of you. The person planning often doesn't get to grieve that day. Hand off jobs, eat something, and give yourself a few minutes alone with their photos before the guests arrive.

The Practical Details

• A loose timeline, shared with speakers and helpers so everyone knows when their part comes.
• Spreading the word in the obituary and on social media, and by phone for people who aren't online.
• Food and drinks: a potluck, their favorite dish, or simple refreshments.
• A point person on the day: someone close, but not in the deepest part of the grief, who can handle chairs, microphones and questions so the family doesn't have to.
• A printed program, so guests can follow along and take something home.
• Thank-you notes afterward, for those who spoke, cooked or simply came. Our thank-you card wording can help when you're ready.

When You're Ready for the Program

A program gathers everything above into something people can hold onto. Our celebration of life program guide has a sample layout and wording ideas, and our Canva funeral program templates and memorial guest books can be changed to say "Celebrating the Life of," or anything that sounds like them.

More Help

• Funeral Planning Checklist (Printable PDF)
• What to Gather Before a Loved One Dies
• Celebration of Life Program Template Guide
• Funeral Program Wording Examples
• Planning Your Own Funeral: A Gentle Guide
• All our free printables

Please note: This guide is general planning information, not legal advice. Rules for venues, permits and scattering ashes vary by state, county and park, so check with the place you're planning to use or your funeral home. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.

Download the Celebration of Life Planner (PDF) · En español · See all our free printables

With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed