Nobody wants to think about the funeral while the person they love is still here. I understand that. But I also know what it’s like to need a photo, a date, or the name of a favorite hymn at the very moment you can least think straight.
If your loved one is in hospice, you may have something most families never get: a little time. A few quiet hours now, gathering the right things, can spare you a frantic night later. This is the list I wish someone had handed me.
Before the Day Comes: A Free Planning Workbook
For: families caring for someone in hospice or near the end of life (14 pages)
Everything on this list, in fill-in pages you can work through slowly: their story, family names, photos, favorites, wishes for the service, and a page for the funeral home meeting. For your privacy, it never asks you to write down Social Security or account numbers.
Why Gather Now?
Within a day or two of a death, the funeral home will ask for details for the death certificate. Someone will need to choose a photo for the program, write an obituary, pick music, and list the family. It all lands at once, on the people who are hurting the most.
None of what follows has to be done in one sitting. A page a week is fine. Skip anything that feels too heavy right now.
1. Photos
Photos take the longest to find, and they matter most. Gather them while you can still ask who is in them.
- One photo for the cover of the program. A clear, smiling photo where they look like themselves. If you can, ask them which one they like best.
- A recent photo for the funeral home. It helps them style hair and makeup the way your loved one wore it.
- 10 to 20 photos across their life for the program, a slideshow, or a display table: childhood, young adult, wedding, with children and grandchildren, at work, doing what they loved.
- Scan or photograph old prints with your phone, in daylight, laid flat. Ask relatives to send the photos on their phones, too.
- Write down who’s in each photo. Names fade faster than we think.
2. The Details the Funeral Home Will Ask For
These go on the death certificate, and families are often surprised by how many they don’t know offhand:
- Full legal name, and the name they went by
- Date and place of birth (city and state, or country)
- Home address
- Father’s full name, and mother’s full name including her maiden name
- Marital status and spouse’s name
- Highest grade or degree completed
- Usual occupation and the industry they worked in
- Military service, and where the discharge papers (DD-214) are kept
- Where their Social Security card is kept
You’ll also be asked to bring clothing (including undergarments), any glasses or jewelry you want kept with them, life insurance policies, and any prepaid funeral plan or written wishes.
3. Family Names and Where They Live
Obituaries usually list the family who survive them, often with the cities where they live, and the family members who died before them. Write the names down now and ask a relative to check the spellings. It’s one less thing to get wrong in print.
4. Their Words and Favorites
These small things are what make a program feel like them:
- A favorite scripture, prayer, or poem
- Favorite songs or hymns
- Things they always said
- A favorite flower or color
- What they were proud of, and what they’d want people to remember
If the moment is right, you might simply ask: “Is there anything you’d want people to know about you?” Write their answer down exactly as they say it. Families often put those words on the back of the program.
5. Wishes for the Service
Only gather what you know. If they’ve already made plans with a funeral home, start there; it may answer most of these.
- Burial or cremation, and a cemetery or resting place
- Funeral, memorial, celebration of life, or graveside service
- Who should lead it, and any faith or cultural customs to honor
- Military honors, if they served
- Flowers, or a charity for donations
- Anything they did not want
One thing worth knowing: under the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule, you have the right to see a funeral home’s itemized price list and to choose only the goods and services you want.
6. The People Taking Part
Most programs list these names, so it helps to have them (and their phone numbers) in one place: the officiant, anyone giving a eulogy or a reading, musicians, and usually six to eight pallbearers. Friends who can’t lift or live far away can be listed as honorary pallbearers.
7. The People to Thank
Most programs end with a thank-you. Write names down as people help: the hospice nurse and aide, the chaplain or social worker, neighbors, church family, the friend who keeps bringing dinner. That same list becomes your thank-you card list later.
8. Who to Call, and Where Things Are
Keep one page on the fridge with the hospice nurse line, the funeral home, your pastor or faith leader, and the family member to call first. Note where the will, advance directive, insurance policies, and military papers are kept, so no one is searching drawers at midnight.
How to Bring It Up Gently
You don’t have to start with the funeral. Start with the photos. “Who’s this?” over an old album can turn into an afternoon of stories, and a favorite song often comes up on its own. Many people are relieved to be asked what they’d like. If the conversation feels wrong, let it go. You can gather most of this without them.
When the Time Comes
Everything in this list is what a funeral program needs. When you’re ready, you have two choices:
- Make it yourself with one of our Canva funeral program templates.
- Let us make it for you. With Done For You, you send us what you’ve gathered, choose the pages and their order, and we send back a print-ready file.
For Hospice Teams
Hospices are welcome to print the workbook and give it to the families they serve. The cover has a “Provided to you by” space for your hospice label or stamp, or we’ll add your hospice name and logo for free. Request your hospice’s version here.
More Help Before a Death
- When Someone You Love Is in Hospice, with our free Questions to Ask While There’s Time
- Planning Your Own Funeral: A Gentle Guide
- The First Hours After a Death at Home
- Fill-in-the-Blank Obituary Templates
- All our free printables
Please note: This guide and workbook are comfort and planning resources, not legal, medical, or financial advice. Requirements can vary by state, so your funeral home is your best guide to what they need. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.
Download Before the Day Comes free (PDF) · See all our free printables