When someone in the family is in hospice, or has just died, the grown-ups are often so busy holding everything together that the children can feel forgotten. They notice more than we think. They hear the hushed phone calls and see the tears, and without words to explain it, they often fill in the gaps with their own worries.
The good news is that children don’t need perfect words from us. They need honest ones, a little patience, and ways to express what they feel. This guide covers how to talk with kids about hospice and death, what to expect at different ages, and how to include them in saying goodbye, with a free printable memory book to help along the way.
Free Printable: My Memory Book
19 pages for children of all ages: drawing pages, a feelings page, letter pages, “What Happened,” “People Who Help Me,” “Going to the Service,” a memory box checklist, a teen journal page, and a guide for grown-ups.
Download the Free Memory Book (PDF) →No email or sign-up needed.
When a parent is dying or has died, see our full Carrying You With Me workbooks for kids and teens below.
Use Honest, Simple Words
It’s natural to want to soften the news. But phrases like “Grandpa went to sleep,” “we lost her,” or “he went away” can confuse or frighten children. A young child may become afraid of going to sleep, or wonder why no one is looking for the person who was “lost.”
Gentle, plain words work best:
- Before a death: “Grandma is very sick. The doctors can’t make her better, so now the hospice nurses are helping her be comfortable.”
- After a death: “Grandma died. Her body stopped working, and she can’t breathe, eat, or feel pain anymore. She won’t come back, and that’s very sad.”
If your family has faith beliefs about what happens after death, you can share those too. Just pair them with the simple facts, so the child understands that their loved one’s body has stopped working.
What Children Understand at Different Ages
Every child is different, but these general patterns can help you know what to expect.
- Toddlers and preschoolers (about 2 to 5): They sense that something is wrong, but they often think death is temporary or reversible. They may ask when the person is coming back, again and again. Repetition is how they learn, so patient, consistent answers help.
- Young school-age children (about 6 to 9): They begin to understand that death is permanent and happens to everyone. They may ask very concrete questions about the body, the casket, or what happens next. They may also worry that something they did or thought caused it.
- Older children (about 10 to 12): They understand death more fully and may want details and facts. Some worry about who else might die, or how the family will manage.
- Teenagers: They understand death as adults do, but may grieve privately, lean on friends more than family, or seem fine one day and deeply upset the next.
How Children Grieve
Children often grieve in short bursts. A child may cry hard for a few minutes and then ask to go play. This doesn’t mean they don’t care; it’s how young minds handle big feelings a little at a time.
You might also notice clinginess, trouble sleeping, stomachaches, acting younger than their age, anger, or playing out funerals and hospitals with toys. These are common reactions. Keeping routines steady, offering extra comfort, and letting them know all feelings are okay goes a long way.
Should Children Visit Someone in Hospice?
Often, yes, if the child wants to and is prepared ahead of time. Tell them what they might see, like a hospital bed, tubes or oxygen, or that their loved one may be very sleepy or look different. Keep visits short, give them something to do, like reading a book aloud, holding hands, or bringing a drawing, and let them leave when they’re ready.
The memory book includes a “While You’re Still Here” page with ideas for things to say, ask, and do together. For more on this time, see When Someone You Love Is in Hospice: Preparing Together.
Should Children Attend the Funeral?
Many children benefit from being included, because it helps them understand what happened and lets them say goodbye alongside their family. The key is preparation and choice. Explain what they’ll see and hear, let them decide whether to go, and have a trusted adult ready to step out with them if they need a break.
Children can also take part in small, meaningful ways:
- Bringing a drawing, letter, or flower
- Helping hand out programs
- Choosing a photo or song
- Having their drawing or a few of their words printed in the funeral program
That last one is especially treasured by families. A child’s drawing fits beautifully on a program’s inside page or back cover, and our Canva funeral program templates make it easy to add.
Inside the Free Memory Book
The memory book gives children a way to express what they may not be able to say out loud. It works for toddlers through teens, and for any loved one, whether that’s Grandma, Papa, Mom, Dad, a friend, or a teacher. Pages include:
- For Grown-Ups: gentle tips and age guidance
- All About Us and What Happened
- While You’re Still Here, for hospice visits
- Drawing pages: A Picture of Us Together and My Favorite Place With You
- Things I Love About You and I Love the Way You…
- How I Feel, with feelings faces and things that help
- People Who Help Me, a support circle
- Letter pages for little hands and older kids
- Remember When… and Things I Wonder About
- Going to the Service, to prepare for the funeral
- My Memory Box, a keepsake checklist
- In My Own Words, a journal page for older kids and teens
- Always in My Heart, a keepsake page
When a Parent Is Dying or Has Died: Carrying You With Me Workbooks
When the person who is sick is a child’s mom or dad, children often need more than a memory book. They may grieve twice, first while their parent is sick and changing, and again after the death. They may carry hard memories of hospitals or hospice, feel relieved that the suffering is over and then guilty for feeling relieved, and worry about catching the illness or getting sick themselves. Teens who helped with caregiving often feel lost once that role ends.
Our free Carrying You With Me workbooks were written for exactly this. Each one includes optional pages for families whose person is still living, like recording their voice and asking about their life, so you can start using it during hospice care.
Free Workbooks After an Illness
For children and teens whose parent or loved one is dying, or has died, after an illness.
For Kids (5 to 11)
Carrying You With Me: a 120-page workbook and journal with pages on what a serious illness is, hospice, how their person changed, the ways they helped, saying goodbye, mixed-up feelings, “Will I get sick too?”, and 50 journal prompts.
Download (PDF) →For Teens (12 to 18)
Carrying You With Me: a 120-page workbook and journal covering grieving before they were gone, caregiving, guilt and relief, hard memories of the illness, health worries, milestones, and 50 journal prompts.
Download (PDF) →Free, no sign-up needed. The workbooks never ask a child to describe the death. To print and bind, take the PDF to any UPS Store, FedEx Office, or local print shop and ask for double-sided printing with coil binding.
For more on helping a child through the death of a mom or dad, see our complete guide, When a Child Loses a Parent.
When to Get More Help
Most children, with love and support, find their way through grief over time. But if a child seems stuck, with ongoing trouble sleeping, eating, or at school, or if they talk about wanting to be with the person who died, reach out to their pediatrician or school counselor. Many hospices offer free grief support for children and families, even if their loved one wasn’t in that hospice’s care.
Please note: This guide, the memory book, and the workbooks are comfort and keepsake resources, not therapy or professional advice, and are not a substitute for support from a pediatrician, counselor, or grief professional. If you’re worried about a child’s safety or wellbeing, please contact a professional right away.
Download the free memory book (PDF) · See all our free printables for families
Are you a hospice professional? See our free resources for hospice and care teams. You’re welcome to print as many copies as you need.