Maybe it was a coworker, a neighbor, or the aunt who always sent a card. Now there's a memorial service at a Kingdom Hall, and you've never been inside one. You want to go. You just don't want to do the wrong thing.
I know that feeling. I've been the guest who didn't know the customs, sitting in a service from a faith that wasn't mine and hoping no one noticed. And as a widow, I know the other side too: when you're the one grieving, nobody's checking whether your guests got it right. You only notice that they came.
So here's what a Jehovah's Witness memorial service is like, why it may feel different from other funerals you've been to, and the small things that help the family most.
Yes, You're Welcome
Funerals at a Kingdom Hall are open to the public. You don't have to be a Witness to come, and no one expects you to know what to do. Attendants at the door are there to greet newcomers and help you find a seat.
The service may not be at a Kingdom Hall at all. The family chooses the place. It may be at a funeral home, a private home, a crematory or the graveside. Check the obituary or ask the family.
A quick word on "the Memorial." If you search online, you may find Witnesses talking about "the Memorial." That's their yearly observance of Jesus' death, not a funeral. A memorial service for someone who died is its own small gathering.
Walking Into a Kingdom Hall
It's plain on purpose. You won't see an altar, statues, images or crosses. Rows of chairs face a small platform at the front, and there's often a screen. The simplicity is part of their faith, not a sign that the service matters less.
No collection plate. Witnesses don't charge for funerals or take up collections. You may notice a contribution box on the wall. No one will ask you to give.
Sit where you're comfortable. The family will likely be near the front. If you're not sure, ask an attendant.
What Happens During the Service
The service is simple, and it usually follows this pattern:
- A talk. A baptized man from the congregation, often an elder (a volunteer minister), gives a talk meant to comfort the family. He'll explain what the Bible says about death and the hope of a resurrection, and he may talk about the good qualities of the person who died.
- A song. There may be a song based on the Scriptures. Sing along if you'd like, or stand or sit quietly. Either is fine.
- A prayer. The service closes with a prayer for comfort.
If there's a burial, there may be a few more words and a prayer at the grave.
Ask before you take photos or record. Practices vary, so check with the family first.
Why It May Feel Different
One speaker, not a line of eulogies. Most of what's said comes from the elder's talk. If you have a story about the person, the family will love hearing it from you afterward.
No wake, and no words to the one who died. Witnesses believe the dead are not conscious, as if asleep, waiting for the resurrection. So they leave out customs built on the idea that the dead can hear or affect us: wakes, speaking to the person who died, or yearly remembrance rites.
Simple and modest. Their guidance asks that funerals not be a showy display, with no overly expensive caskets. Tears are welcome. Grieving is normal, and their hope in the resurrection is how they carry it.
What to Wear
Dress as you would for any church service or important occasion. Modest, neat clothes in quiet colors are always safe. If the family asks for something different, follow their lead.
Flowers, Food, Cards and Gifts
Flowers are fine. Witness writings note that in many places, flowers for a grieving family are seen as "an appropriate kindness." Choose a simple arrangement, and skip anything shaped like a cross. Witnesses don't use the cross in worship. Some families ask for no flowers, so check the obituary first.
A meal often means more. Their own articles on comforting the grieving suggest cooking a meal, watching the children or helping with arrangements.
Choose a card without crosses or holiday images. A plain card with a warm note in your own words is perfect.
Donations: some families ask for gifts to the congregation or a charity instead of flowers. Go with what they ask.
What to Say to the Family
Simple words are best: "I'm so sorry." "She was so kind to me." Or one memory of their person. If they want to talk, just listen.
Because Witnesses believe the dead are resting, not in heaven watching over us, lines like "He's looking down on you" may not fit what they believe. You don't have to get it perfect. You may hear the family speak of seeing their loved one again in the resurrection. That hope is a deep comfort to them, and you can simply let them share it.
Our guide on what to say to someone who is grieving has more.
What to Write in a Card
A few lines in your own words are all a card needs. If you're stuck, start here:
- "I'm so sorry. I'll always remember how [name] ___."
- "Thinking of you and your family. [Name] was one of the kindest people I knew."
- "I'm here for you, now and in the months ahead. I'll call you next week." (Then call.)
- "I know how much your hope of seeing her again means to you. I'm holding you close."
If you'd like to add a verse, John 5:28-29 and Revelation 21:4 speak to the hope of the resurrection that comforts Witness families. Scriptures for a Jehovah's Witness Memorial has more.
In the Weeks and Months After
Keep showing up. Help often fades once the service is over. A call, a visit or a meal weeks later can mean the most.
Skip holiday and birthday cards. Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays, Christmas or other holidays, so a "first Christmas without her" card won't fit. A "thinking of you" note at any time of year will.
Remember the date they died. There's no yearly ceremony, but Witness guidance on comforting the grieving suggests marking the date so you can reach out when it may be hardest. A quiet note that week is a gift.
Making Room for Everyone
Not a Witness, not religious, or from another faith? You belong there. Coming to honor someone you cared about is reason enough. No one will ask you to take part in anything.
If you're no longer part of the congregation. Maybe you left, or were removed. You can still come; a Kingdom Hall funeral is open to everyone. Some members may greet you, and some may keep conversation short, because their religious guidance asks them not to socialize with someone who was removed. It says nothing about how much you loved the person who died. Bring someone with you if it helps, and be gentle with yourself afterward. Grief After a Complicated or Estranged Relationship may help in the days that follow.
If you're the family, and your relative is a Witness. When a Witness is invited to a funeral in another faith, each person decides for themselves whether to go, and they may not join in prayers or rites that don't fit their beliefs. If they come but sit quietly, that's not coldness. It's their way of being there.
Need an aisle seat, room for a wheelchair or a spot by the door? Tell an attendant when you arrive. If you're Deaf or hard of hearing, ask the family ahead of time. Witnesses have sign-language congregations, so the family may be able to arrange an interpreter.
Spanish or another language? Ask the family which congregation is hosting and what language the talk will be in.
Far away? Ask the family whether the service will be shared online, and send a card. It counts.
Bringing children? Should Children Attend a Funeral? can help you prepare them.
If your place in their life isn't printed anywhere (an ex, a stepchild, a partner, a longtime friend), you still belong in that room. When Your Grief Isn't Recognized was written for you.
If You're Helping the Family Plan
- Call the congregation's elders early. The family can choose who gives the talk, or ask the elders to find a speaker. If you'd like to use the Kingdom Hall, the elders need to OK it so it doesn't clash with a meeting. There's no charge.
- Choose the place together: Kingdom Hall, funeral home, home or graveside.
- Burial or cremation is the family's choice. Witness guidance calls cremation a personal or family decision.
- Tell the funeral home if you'd like to avoid crosses on the casket, prayer cards or decor.
- Gather a few memories the elder can mention: their kindness, their faith, what they loved.
- Hand out jobs with our free Who's Doing What helper sheet.
- Choosing scriptures? See Scriptures for a Jehovah's Witness Memorial and Bible Verses and Poems for a JW Funeral Program.
Free Printable
At a Jehovah's Witness Memorial: A Guest's Guide
For: guests, coworkers, neighbors and family going to a Witness memorial service, and families who want to share it · 2 pages
What the service is like, what may feel different, what to wear, flowers and cards, and what to say, plus a box where the family can fill in the time, place and any wishes before printing or texting it to guests.
More Help
- What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving (and What to Avoid)
- Scriptures for a Jehovah's Witness Memorial
- Jehovah's Promise of Resurrection: Bible Verses and Poems for a JW Funeral Program
- Honoring Faith and Culture at the End of Life
- The First Holidays After a Loss
- All our free printables
Attending a different service? See our gentle guides to Catholic funerals, Baptist funerals and homegoing celebrations and military funerals.
Please note: This is general information, not religious advice. Customs can differ from one congregation and family to another, so the family and the congregation's elders are your best guides for any one service. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.
These resources are free, always. If this helped your family and you'd like to say thank you, you can leave a small gift.
With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed