When someone you love enters hospice, time takes on a different shape. The days can feel both endless and far too short. You may be caring for them, grieving already, and trying to hold everything together, all at once.
This guide is for that season. It isn’t medical advice. Your hospice team is there for that, and they are wonderful people to lean on. This is about the other things: the time together, the stories, the small preparations that can bring peace to everyone later.
In This Guide
- Making the Most of Your Time Together
- Gathering Their Stories
- Talking About Their Wishes, If They’re Ready
- Small Keepsakes That Mean the Most
- Including Children
- Taking Care of Yourself
- Quiet Preparations for Later
Making the Most of Your Time Together
You don’t have to fill every moment with meaning. Often the most treasured memories are the ordinary ones: reading aloud, playing their favorite music, holding a hand, watching an old movie, or simply sitting nearby while they rest. Presence matters more than words.
Follow their lead. Some days they may want visitors and stories. Other days they may want quiet. Both are okay.
Gathering Their Stories
Many families say their biggest regret is not asking more questions while they could. How did they meet? What was their childhood like? What are they proudest of? What do they want the grandchildren to know?
You don’t need a formal interview. A photo album, an old song, or a simple “tell me about…” can open the door. If they agree, recording these conversations on your phone can become a gift the whole family treasures, and the answers often become part of the obituary, the eulogy, or the program someday.
Seven printable pages: their stories, the facts for the obituary (family, work, faith, and military service down to duty stations), and their favorites for the service, like music, hymns, and flowers. No sign-up needed.
Talking About Their Wishes, If They’re Ready
Some people in hospice want to talk about their funeral. It can give them a sense of peace and control, and many find comfort in choosing a hymn or a reading. Others would rather not, and that is their right.
A gentle way to begin is simply to ask: “Is there anything you’d like us to know or do when the time comes?” If they want to share more, our free My Funeral Wishes worksheet covers the service, music, readings, the photo they’d like used, and a message to loved ones. You can fill it in together, a little at a time.
If they don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Your hospice chaplain or social worker can often help open the conversation later, if and when they’re ready.
Small Keepsakes That Mean the Most
- Letters: a letter from them to a child or grandchild, or from you to them, saying what you want them to know.
- Recordings: their voice telling a favorite story, singing a song, or reading a bedtime book for a grandchild.
- Handprints or handwriting: a signature, a recipe card in their writing, or a handprint on paper.
- Photos together: including the simple ones, like hands held together.
- A favorite item: ask who they’d like to have their watch, their Bible, or their fishing pole.
Including Children
Children usually do better with honest, simple words than with silence. Let them visit if they want to, give them something to do (drawing a picture, reading a story, bringing a flower), and let them know it’s okay to feel sad or confused. Many hospices have child life or bereavement staff who can help you find the right words for your child’s age.
Taking Care of Yourself
Grief often begins before the goodbye. It’s common to feel sadness, exhaustion, guilt, relief, and love all in the same hour. That doesn’t make you a bad caregiver. It makes you human.
Accept help when it’s offered. Eat something. Step outside for a few minutes. Most hospices also offer respite care, volunteers, and grief support for families. Ask your team what’s available.
Quiet Preparations for Later
Some families find it easier to take care of a few practical things ahead of time, so they can simply be present at the end. You might:
- Ask your hospice team what will happen and who to call when the time comes.
- Choose a funeral home, if one hasn’t been chosen.
- Find important papers, like a will, insurance, or military discharge papers (DD-214).
- Choose a favorite photo for the obituary and program.
- Keep our free Funeral Planning Checklist handy for the first days afterward.
None of this has to be done. Do only what brings you peace.
When the Time Comes
If you’d like help with the funeral program, our templates are editable in free Canva, and our Done For You service can build the whole program for you, including themed designs that reflect the life they lived.
Learn About Done For You →You May Also Find Helpful
- Planning Your Own Funeral: A Gentle Guide (Free Wishes Worksheet)
- Free Funeral Planning Checklist (Printable PDF)
- Poems for the Grieving Heart
- Christian Words of Comfort for the Bereaved
- Memorial Resource Library
Hospice staff and volunteers: you’re welcome to print and share our free printables with the families you serve. — Noted & Charmed