When the person you love is a veteran and hospice comes into the picture, the questions pile up fast. Who do we call at 2 a.m.? Why is he having nightmares about something that happened fifty years ago? Is there a benefit we're supposed to file before it's too late? Where on earth is the DD-214?
I know what it's like when the questions, the paperwork, the honors, and the grief all land on a family at once. Nobody hands you a guide. So I made one: Honor and Comfort: A Family Guide When a Veteran Is in Hospice. It's free, and it's written for the family, in plain words, for the weeks when you have the least time and energy to go looking for answers.
Why Veterans Need Something Different
Every family in hospice faces the same big things: pain, fear, saying goodbye. Families of veterans face a few more. Your veteran may bring their whole service with them to the end of life: old friends, old wounds, a toughness that makes it hard to admit pain, and memories that come back louder near the end. There are honors they've earned, benefits with real deadlines, and papers that suddenly matter a great deal.
Honor and Comfort walks through all of it, one short topic at a time, with an "In short" box on every page for the days you can only read a paragraph.
What's Inside
Getting through this week
- Hospice or 911? Who to call, a symptom plan for tonight, and a care team map
- Start Here: This Week, so you know what matters first
Understanding your veteran
- Military culture at the end of life, pain they won't admit, and what each generation carried
- The veteran who never talked about it, and how to help them keep their dignity while letting others help
When the past comes back
- Why old memories and nightmares can return near the end, common triggers, and how to calm and reassure
- Words that help and words that hurt, pain medicine and PTSD, and when dementia and trauma meet
- Moral injury, the chaplain's role, firearms at home, and a calming plan and bedside card you can fill in
Exposures, care, and benefits
- Agent Orange, burn pits, the PACT Act, Camp Lejeune, and "Does this apply to us?"
- Hospice for veterans, VA caregiver support, free help from a Veterans Service Officer, and how to spot pension poachers
- Act Now: the claims that protect your family, with a checklist
Papers, records, and honors
- The DD-214 and how to get records (including when they burned in the 1973 fire), medals, pre-need burial eligibility, and discharge upgrades
- Pinning ceremonies, recording their story, questions to ask while there's time, and giving them permission to rest
For every veteran and every family
- Pages for women veterans, military sexual trauma, former POWs, LGBTQ+ veterans, veterans of color, Native American veterans, and veterans who are rural, homeless, or alone
- Blended and estranged families, and what to do when the family disagrees
- For the spouse and family who lived with it: mixed feelings, children and grandchildren, and a weekly check-in for you
- Buddies, reconnecting before the end, and when friends visit
- The last weeks and days, keeping vigil, the time of death, and the first steps after
Benefit information was checked against current VA and Department of Defense sources in October 2026. Benefits and deadlines change, so please confirm details with a Veterans Service Officer before you act.
One Page to Fill In Now: Give This to Your Funeral Director
If you only do one thing this week, make it this. It's a single page with everything the funeral director will need for the death certificate, military honors, and burial benefits. Fill in what you can while you can still ask your veteran, then hand it over in person when the time comes.
Download Give This to Your Funeral Director (PDF) → · Fillable version (type on your computer) →
More Free Help for Your Family
- An Honoring Ceremony for a Veteran: a simple way to thank your veteran at home or at the bedside, with a script, words for every branch, and a certificate to print. No pins or uniforms needed.
- After a Veteran Dies: The First 30 Days: one sheet, front and back, with the calls to make, survivor benefits, and the deadlines that matter. Keep it by the phone.
- Military Honors at the Service: a page for guests explaining the flag folding, Taps, and rifle salute, plus wording for your veteran's funeral program.
- Someone I Love Served: a keepsake activity book for children ages 5 to 11, with a timeline, maps to color, interview questions, and pages to remember the whole person.
A Book for Your Veteran, Too
Honor and Comfort is for you. Its companion, Honor and Memory, is for your veteran: a place to tell their story, write down their wishes, and leave words for the people they love, a few minutes at a time. It's free too, and someone else can do the writing.
If there are children or grandchildren in the house, The Time We Have and its companion books for kids and teens can help.
For Hospice Teams
Hospices, VA and community care teams, chaplains, and veterans organizations are welcome to print and share this guide with the families they serve. A free staff set goes with it: a Quick-Start handout for admission packets, a Staff Guide with a ready-made in-service, and Aide Pocket Cards. You'll find it on our For Hospice & Care Teams page.
More for Veteran Families
- Honor and Comfort: A Free Veteran Care Set for Hospice Teams
- Military Funeral Honors: Who Qualifies and How to Arrange Them
- How to Write a Tribute for Your Veteran Loved One
- Military and Veteran Obituary Examples
- Military & Patriotic Funeral Program Templates
Please note: Honor and Comfort shares general information. It is not medical, legal, or benefits advice, and it does not replace your hospice team, VA, an accredited Veterans Service Officer, or an attorney. Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1; text 838255; or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net. In an emergency, call 911.
Download Honor and Comfort free (PDF) · Large print · See all our free printables
These resources are free, always. If this helped your family and you'd like to say thank you, you can leave a small gift here.