If you only have a moment
Aim for two to five minutes: say their name, branch and years of service, share one or two stories that show who they were and what they taught you, and end with a simple thank-you or goodbye. Take the service details from the DD-214, and leave out anything you're unsure of, because no one will miss a medal that isn't mentioned. Print it in large type, read it instead of memorizing it, and hand a copy to someone who can finish for you if you can't.
Someone has asked you to say a few words. Maybe at the funeral home, maybe at church, maybe in the shelter at a national cemetery. Or nobody asked, and you just know you want to stand up for them. Either way, you're looking at a blank page, and the service is in a few days.
My husband was a Navy veteran. I know what it's like to sit with a blank page, wanting to honor the man and the uniform both, and feeling like nothing you write is big enough.
So let's go through it together: how to get their service details right, what to say, how long to make it, and a fill-in-the-blank tribute you can use tonight if that's all you have room for. You don't need to be a writer. You just need to know them, and you already do.
Jump to: Before you write · Service details · Five steps · When it's hard to talk about · On the day · A sample tribute · Fill-in-the-blank
Before You Write: Ask Where and When You'll Speak
Ask the funeral director how much time you have. Then read your tribute out loud once with a timer. Two to five minutes is plenty for most services, and a short tribute that's honest is better than a long one that's hard to get through.
At a VA national cemetery, keep it short. The committal service is held in a shelter, not at the graveside, and lasts about 20 minutes. Families can have a friend, family member or clergy give readings, and military honors often happen there too. If you want to say more, plan a full tribute for the funeral or memorial service somewhere else. State and private cemeteries have their own rules, so ask.
Ask when military honors will happen. Taps and the folding of the flag are powerful moments. Knowing whether you speak before or after them helps you plan how to close.
Get Their Service Details Right
Start with the DD-214. This is the discharge paper. It shows their rank (Block 4), their main job in the service (Block 11), and their medals, badges and ribbons (Block 13). The Remarks box (Block 18) sometimes lists where they served. Some veterans have more than one DD-214, one for each period of active duty.
If you can't find it, the National Archives will send a copy for free. Next of kin (a spouse who hasn't remarried, a child, parent, brother or sister) can request it online with proof of death, such as the death certificate, a letter from the funeral home or the published obituary. Some companies charge for this. You don't need them. Requests can take weeks, so if the service is soon, tell your funeral director.
Don't guess. If you aren't sure about a medal, a unit or a date, leave it out. "He served in the Army in Germany" is enough. A missing detail is fine. Nobody will notice it's not there.
Ask someone they served with. A shipmate or old buddy often knows the stories the family never heard, and may be glad to be asked.
If your veteran is still with you, ask them now. Our free Ten Questions to Ask Your Veteran has gentle starter questions with room to write their answers (large print · en español · letra grande). If they'd like their story kept for good, see How to Record a Veteran's Story for the Veterans History Project.
Explain military words. Many people listening never served. "She was a corpsman, a Navy medic" helps everyone follow along.
Five Steps to Your Tribute
1. Say their name and how they served. Branch, rank and years are enough. Use their rank once, then call them what you always did: Dan, Dad, Grandpa.
"Today we remember Corporal Daniel Hayes, who served in the United States Marine Corps from 2004 to 2012, and who carried his sense of duty into every part of his life."
2. Tell us who they were. Pick three words that fit them. How did they treat people? What did they stand for?
"He was steady, generous, and quietly funny, the kind of man who would give you his last dollar and make you laugh while doing it."
3. Share one or two memories. Choose moments that show their character, not a list of accomplishments. One good story does more than ten facts. If they were funny, let people laugh. Laughter at a funeral is love too.
"One winter our neighbor's car wouldn't start. Dan spent hours in the freezing cold fixing it, and when the neighbor tried to thank him, he just said, 'That's what we do for each other.'"
4. Name what they leave behind. What did they teach you? What will you carry?
"He taught me that service isn't just wearing a uniform. It's how you treat people every day."
5. Say thank you, or goodbye. Keep it simple.
"Thank you, Dan, for your service, your love, and your laughter. We will miss you, and we will never forget you."
A branch farewell can make a lovely last line. Many Navy families close with "Fair winds and following seas," the farewell sailors give one another. Others use their branch's motto: Semper Fidelis (Always Faithful) for the Marine Corps, Semper Paratus (Always Ready) for the Coast Guard, This We'll Defend for the Army, Aim High for the Air Force, or Semper Supra (Always Above) for the Space Force.
When Their Service Is Hard to Talk About
If they never talked about it, you can say so. "Dad didn't talk much about Vietnam. What he did talk about were the friends he made there." That's honest, and many families in the room will recognize it.
You don't have to cover everything. If their service ended hard, or there are parts the family doesn't agree on, you can honor the whole person and leave the rest unsaid.
If they died by suicide, you don't need to explain how they died. You can say "he died by suicide" or simply speak about how he lived. A tribute is about their whole life, not their last day.
On the Day
- Print it big. Large type, double spaced, pages numbered.
- Read it. Don't memorize it. Nobody expects you to.
- It's okay to cry. Stop, breathe, take a sip of water. People will wait.
- Give a copy to a backup reader. If you can't finish, they can.
- If you can't speak at all, print your tribute in the program or read it later at a family gathering. It still counts.
A Complete Sample Tribute
"My name is Sarah, and I am the daughter of Sergeant Michael Turner.
Dad served in the United States Army from 1985 to 1993, and he carried his sense of duty into every part of his life.
He was steady, generous, and quietly funny, the kind of man who would give you his last dollar and make you laugh while doing it.
One winter our neighbor's car wouldn't start. Dad spent hours in the freezing cold fixing it, and when the neighbor tried to thank him, he just said, 'That's what we do for each other.'
He taught me that service isn't just wearing a uniform. It's how you treat people every day.
Thank you, Dad, for your service, your love, and your laughter. We will miss you, and we will never forget you."
For a faith service, you can open with a short prayer and close with a blessing. Our invocations and benedictions for veterans can help.
Fill-in-the-Blank Tribute
If you're overwhelmed, start here:
My name is [your name], and I am [relationship] of [veteran's full name].
They served in the [branch] from [start year] to [end year], and they were known for being [three qualities].
I will always remember the time [short story].
They taught me [lesson], and I will carry that with me always.
Thank you, [name], for your service and for the love you gave us. We will never forget you.
More Help
- Military Eulogy Examples: Words to Honor a Veteran's Life and Service
- Original Poems for a Military Veteran's Funeral Program
- Military and Veteran Obituary Examples
- How to Plan a Military Funeral: A Family Guide (Free Checklist)
- How to Record a Veteran's Story for the Veterans History Project
- What to Include in a Military Veteran's Funeral Program
- Military & Patriotic Funeral Program Templates
Please note: This post shares general information and writing ideas. It is not legal or benefits advice. For records and honors, your funeral director, the National Archives, VA or an accredited Veterans Service Officer can help. Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1; text 838255; or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net. In an emergency, call 911.
These resources are free, always. If this helped your family and you'd like to say thank you, you can leave a small gift.
With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed