Military Honors When the Burial Is Later, Far Away, or Not at All

"Can the honor guard come to the memorial? And then again at the cemetery in the spring?" Families ask this all the time, often at the funeral home table, often with an urn already on the shelf at home. Maybe the national cemetery can't fit you in for weeks. Maybe your veteran wanted their ashes scattered at the lake. Maybe half the family lives across the country and the burial is going to have to wait.

When my husband died, the one thing he'd told me was that he wanted to be cremated. Everything after that, the VA and Riverside National Cemetery included, the family and I figured out as we went. Nobody sat us down and explained how the timing of the honors worked. I'd like you to have that before you have to decide.

Here's the heart of it, gently: what "honors are given once" really means, how to choose between the memorial and the burial, what to do when there's no burial at all, and the small ways to honor their service at every gathering.

Jump to: Honors happen once · Choosing when · If the ashes are home · Arlington and state cemeteries · When there's no burial · At every gathering · Situations to plan for · If they're still here · What can wait

The One Thing to Know First

The Department of Defense rule is short: funeral honors are rendered one time for each eligible veteran. So if your family plans a memorial now and a burial later, the honor guard will come to one of them, not both.

That can feel unfair when you're already grieving. It helps to see it as a choice that belongs to you. You get to decide where Taps is played and where the flag is folded and placed in someone's hands.

There is one exception. When a service member was declared dead but their remains weren't recovered, honors at the memorial can be given again at the funeral once they come home.

Memorial Now, Burial Later: How to Choose

There's no wrong answer. A few questions can help your family decide.

Where will the most people be? If friends, coworkers and old shipmates will fill the memorial, but only a few of you can travel to the cemetery, the memorial may be where the honors mean the most.

Who will receive the flag, and where will they be? The flag presentation is often the moment families remember. Plan honors for the gathering where that person can be there.

What did your veteran want? Some veterans said plainly, "Put me in the national cemetery with my buddies." That may point you toward the burial.

Is there a national cemetery committal ahead? At a VA national cemetery, the committal service is held at a shelter, not at the grave, and it lasts about 20 minutes. Families can ask for honors there. If you'd like the honors to be the center of a longer gathering with music and stories, the memorial may give them more room.

Whatever you choose, tell your funeral director, and say it out loud to the family too, so no one arrives at the second service expecting Taps.

If the Ashes Are Already Home

Some families hold a memorial, bring the urn home, and only later feel ready for a burial. If that's where you are, it isn't too late. Military OneSource says that if your family has your veteran's ashes and is ready for a burial ceremony now, you can reach out to the military funeral honors coordinator.

VA says cremated remains are buried or placed in a columbarium at national cemeteries in the same way, and with the same honors, as a casket. To schedule a burial, call VA's National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117. The office answers weekdays from 8 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Eastern, and Saturdays from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Eastern. Have the veteran's DD-214 or other discharge papers ready.

If honors were planned and didn't happen, because the detail didn't arrive or the day fell apart, the Department of Defense says the veteran's branch will reschedule honors for a missed funeral if you ask.

If They'll Rest at Arlington or a State Veterans Cemetery

Where your veteran will be buried can decide the timing for you.

Arlington National Cemetery schedules services in the order requests come in, and the service happens when the honors your veteran is eligible for are available. Arlington says services for casketed remains are generally scheduled within three weeks of the request. For cremated remains, it asks families to call for the current wait once their documents are in. That's Arlington's customer service center at 877-907-8585. Many families hold a memorial at home in the meantime, and that's exactly when the honors question comes up.

State veterans cemeteries. VA has helped fund 125 veterans cemeteries run by states, tribal nations and territories. Each one is run by its own state, tribe or territory, so who qualifies, what it costs for a spouse, and how scheduling works can differ from a national cemetery. VA keeps a list of these cemeteries with phone numbers. Call before you set a date.

When There Will Be No Burial

Many veterans choose scattering, donation to science, or a place that matters more to them than a cemetery. Their service still counts, and so do the honors.

Hold the honors at the memorial. Your funeral director can request them for a memorial service, just as for a funeral. Ask at least two days ahead; Military OneSource recommends at least 48 hours to put a detail together.

A marker can still carry their name. VA provides memorial headstones and markers for veterans whose cremated remains were scattered, who were donated to science, or who were buried at sea. Many families find it comforting to have one place to visit.

Burial at sea is its own path. The Navy's Burial at Sea program is open to veterans of every branch who were honorably discharged, and to some family members. It happens while a ship is deployed, so families can't attend, and the Navy says it takes about 12 to 18 months on average. Afterward, the ship's commanding officer lets the family know the date, time and location. If you send your own flag, it comes back to you. The Department of Defense counts burial at sea as meeting the military funeral honors, so many families also hold a memorial at home in the meantime. Questions go to 1-833-330-6622.

Honoring Their Service at Every Gathering

Even when the honor guard comes to only one service, the other gathering can still feel like theirs.

A local veterans honor guard. The military detail won't come twice. But a county veterans office we checked notes that local veterans groups can also perform funeral honors, as volunteers, so there's no guarantee one is available. Ask your funeral director or your county veterans service office whether a group like the American Legion or VFW serves your area, and whether it could come to the gathering the military detail won't attend.

The flag. VA provides a burial flag to drape a casket or place beside an urn. The next of kin, or a close friend, can request it with VA Form 27-2008 through the funeral director, a VA regional office or many post offices. If honors are at the burial, you can still display the folded flag beside the urn at the memorial.

Their service in the program. Their branch, rank and years served, a photo in uniform, a short tribute. Our free Military Honors at the Service page has wording for a program and a page for guests.

Their people. Invite a shipmate or someone they served with to say a few words, or read a poem in a fellow veteran's voice. Wear their pin. Play their favorite song from their service years.

An online memorial. VA's Veterans Legacy Memorial creates an online tribute page for many veterans, a place where relatives and friends far away can add stories and photos, whenever the burial happens.

A Few Situations Worth Planning For

Family across the country. If the memorial is near where they lived and the burial is far away, you might livestream the committal for those who can't travel, or record the honors so the family can watch together later. Ask the cemetery first.

Two gatherings, two faiths. Some families hold a religious service with one side of the family and a burial with the other. Decide together where the honors fit best, and put it in writing so there's no confusion later.

A spouse who may join them someday. VA says the spouse or surviving spouse of a veteran can also qualify for burial in a national cemetery, even if they remarry. If you hope to be laid to rest together, ask the cemetery how that works before you choose a site.

A complicated discharge. Honors aren't provided after a dishonorable, bad conduct or other than honorable discharge, but VA burial benefits can sometimes still be possible. Our guide When Your Veteran's Discharge Wasn't Honorable walks through what to ask.

No money for a second service. Burial in a VA national cemetery costs nothing for eligible veterans, and a simple committal with honors may be all your family needs. The memorial can be a potluck in the backyard. Both are enough.

If Your Veteran Is Still Here

Some veterans want to settle this themselves. If yours is willing, ask: memorial, burial, scattering, or the sea? Where do they want Taps played? Who should get the flag?

Our free book Honor and Memory has pages for exactly this, and its four practical pages are also a short printable, My Service, Wishes, and Papers. VA also lets veterans find out ahead of time whether they qualify for burial in a national cemetery, which can make the later plan much simpler.

What Can Wait

The burial date. The headstone wording. Whether to scatter or bury. When you're ready, a phone call to the funeral director or the cemetery will start it. Your veteran's honors will still be there for you.

Their Service, Remembered Once and Always

The rule says the honors happen once. But the way your family remembers their service doesn't have to stop there. A folded flag on the mantel, a story told at every Thanksgiving, a grandchild who learns what their ribbons meant. That part keeps going.

When You're Ready for the Program

If you're putting together a program for the memorial or the burial, our military and patriotic funeral program templates include flag and branch designs, and every template is editable in free Canva.

More Help

• Military Funeral Honors: Who Qualifies and How to Arrange Them
• Military Funeral Order of Service: Sample Outlines and Where the Honors Go
• How to Plan a Military Funeral
• The Flag at a Military Funeral: What It Means and What to Expect
• Honor and Memory: A Book for Veterans
• After a Veteran Dies: The First 30 Days (free one-page guide)

Please note: This post shares general information, checked against the Department of Defense, Military OneSource, VA, Arlington National Cemetery and the U.S. Navy in October 2026. Rules and phone hours can change, and the veteran's branch decides eligibility for honors. It is not legal or benefits advice; for your situation, please ask your funeral director, the cemetery or an accredited Veterans Service Officer.

Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1; text 838255; or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net. In an emergency, call 911.

With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed