When Your Veteran's Discharge Wasn't Honorable: A Family Guide to Care, Burial and Upgrades

It's the box you were afraid to open. Inside is the DD-214, and the line near the bottom doesn't say "Honorable." Maybe it says "Other Than Honorable," or "Bad Conduct," or a word you had to look up. Your veteran is very sick now, or has already died, and the questions come one after another. Can they still get care? Can they be buried with other veterans? Is there anything you can do?

I've sat at a kitchen table with VA paperwork after a death, and I know how cold those forms can feel when your heart is breaking. I haven't faced this particular question. But I know what it is to need answers fast, and to want someone to tell you plainly what's still possible.

So here it is, as plainly and gently as I can put it: what a less-than-honorable discharge may still allow, what it may not, and the free people who can help you ask. There's no judgment here. Whatever happened back then, you're allowed to ask for help now.

Jump to: What's still possible · If they're still living · After a death · Free help · Every family is different · Help for you · What can wait

First, a Little Hope

Families often hear "bad discharge" and believe every door is closed. Often it isn't.

Only a dishonorable discharge, or a bad conduct discharge from a general court-martial, rules out VA burial benefits on its own. For an other than honorable discharge, or a bad conduct discharge from a special court-martial, VA decides case by case. It looks at the whole record, not just one word, through what's called a character of discharge review.

In 2024, VA changed its rules so it can now weigh compelling circumstances: mental and cognitive health, physical health, combat hardship, sexual assault, discrimination, the length of service and more. VA says people who were turned down before are encouraged to apply again.

And you're far from alone. A federal study found that of more than 91,000 service members separated for misconduct over five years, about 6 in 10 had been diagnosed with PTSD, a brain injury or another condition in the two years before they left (GAO). A discharge paper doesn't tell the whole story of a person.

One more thing to check: if your veteran served more than once, a bad discharge from one period doesn't automatically cancel an honorable one from another. Look for every DD-214.

If Your Veteran Is Still Living

This is the part I most want you to read, because some doors are easier to open while your veteran is here to help open them.

Apply for VA health care now. There's no special form for a character of discharge review. VA says to apply for health care even with an other than honorable discharge, and it reviews the discharge as part of the application. Your veteran can include a short letter about their service and what was happening in their life, and letters from people who knew them then.

Some care may be possible right away, without that review. VA says veterans with an other than honorable discharge may get emergency mental health care in a crisis, care for a condition VA already rated as service-connected, care related to military sexual trauma, Vet Center counseling, and, for some who served at least 100 days and deployed, mental health care.

Hospice is still possible, even if VA can't pay for it. Medicare covers hospice for anyone with Part A whose doctor certifies they likely have six months or less, and you pay nothing for the hospice care itself. If your veteran doesn't have Medicare, ask the hospice social worker what else may pay. Then tell the hospice team about your veteran's service anyway. A veteran is a veteran at the bedside, and the team can honor that.

Ask about a discharge upgrade while they can still sign. Your veteran can write their own statement, and that voice carries weight. If they're seriously ill, say so in the application and ask whether the board can move faster.

After Your Veteran Has Died

If you're reading this after the death, I'm so sorry. Please know you can still ask. Families often don't realize they're allowed to.

Ask about burial in a national cemetery. You or the funeral director call the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117 (TTY 711), Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Eastern. Send the DD-214. If the discharge wasn't honorable or general, a VA regional office decides eligibility, so tell them right away, and give yourself some extra time before setting a service date. VA's burial eligibility page explains the rules.

Military funeral honors are for veterans who left "under conditions other than dishonorable," and the honors team asks for discharge papers. Ask the funeral director to check with the honors office. Our post Military Funeral Honors: Who Qualifies walks through the rest.

Can't find the papers? Next of kin can request a veteran's records from the National Archives, usually for free, with proof of death. The scheduling office can also help if you call without them.

A family can ask for an upgrade after a death. Federal law lets a surviving spouse, next of kin or legal representative apply to a military Discharge Review Board for a veteran who has died. That's usually within 15 years of the discharge. After that, or for other changes, the family can go to the service's Board for Correction of Military Records, which can waive its deadline "in the interest of justice." Boards must give "liberal consideration" when PTSD or a brain injury from combat or sexual trauma may have played a part. VA's discharge upgrade tool asks a few questions and tells you which board and form to use. Upgrades are granted for some families and not others, and they take time. They're still worth asking about.

If it's too late for this funeral, it may not be too late for everything. VA says that if a dishonorable discharge is changed after the death, families can file for the burial allowance within two years of the change. The details are in the checklist below.

You Don't Have to Pay Anyone

When you're scared and grieving, it's easy to fall for whoever sounds most sure. Please don't pay for help before you've tried the free kind.

An accredited Veterans Service Officer can help with VA claims, including ones where the discharge has to be reviewed, and VA says their help is always free. Find one near you, or ask your county veterans office.

Free lawyers help with upgrades for some veterans, especially when PTSD, brain injury, military sexual trauma or "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" played a part. Try the National Veterans Legal Services Program and the Veterans Consortium. Their pages don't say whether they take cases for families after a death, so ask. Local legal aid offices and law school veterans clinics may help too.

Your veteran's records are free from the National Archives for most families. Some companies charge for what the Archives gives away.

Every Family Is Different

Discharged for being gay, lesbian or bisexual? The military has told its boards to upgrade discharges based only on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" or similar earlier policies when there was no other misconduct. A family can ask on their veteran's behalf.

Separated for refusing the COVID-19 vaccine? The Department of Defense ordered a review of these discharges, and a recent report to Congress says the person doesn't need to apply.

Was your veteran in prison? Our guide When a Veteran Is Dying or Has Died in Prison covers what's different there.

Not married, or not the legal next of kin? Some steps, like asking for an upgrade or records, are for the spouse, next of kin or legal representative. You can still sit beside them and help them do it.

Low on money for the funeral? The law says funeral homes must give you written price lists, and you don't have to take a package with things you don't want. Social Security survivor benefits are based on your person's work record, so ask about them too.

Spanish speakers can get VA help in Spanish. Deaf or hard of hearing? The Veterans Crisis Line takes TTY at 1-800-799-4889, and VA's lines take 711. Faith or none, a funeral can be whatever fits your person, at a national cemetery or anywhere else. State and tribal veterans cemeteries set their own rules, so ask them too.

Maybe your veteran never wanted anyone to know. That's tender ground. You can ask quietly, and you can decide what's shared at the service. Their discharge doesn't have to be in the obituary or the eulogy.

Help for You

You may be carrying old feelings along with the new grief: shame that was never yours, anger at the military, or years of not talking about it. All of that is allowed.

The Veterans Crisis Line is for families too, and you don't have to be enrolled in anything to call: dial 988, then press 1. Vet Centers offer free, confidential counseling; call 877-927-8387, any time, to ask what your family qualifies for. And if the relationship itself was hard, our post Grief After a Complicated or Estranged Relationship is there for you.

What Can Wait

An upgrade can be asked for later. So can a records request, an appeal, and most of the paperwork. If you need to choose a cemetery this week, ask the scheduling office first and let the bigger questions wait for a calmer month.

What can't wait is your own heart, and time with your person if they're still here. When the time comes, our one-page After a Veteran Dies: The First 30 Days can hold the rest.

They Still Served

Whatever is written on that paper, your person raised their hand and served. Many carried things home that no one saw. Asking for what they may still be owed isn't making excuses. It's love, and it's honest.

Take the next small step, ask the free helpers, and let the rest come in its own time.

More Help

• When a Veteran Is in Hospice: A Family Guide to Comfort, Honors, and Benefits
• Military Funeral Honors: Who Qualifies and How to Arrange Them
• When a Younger Veteran Is in Hospice
• Widowed Young: The First Year After Your Veteran Dies
• When Old War Memories Come Back Near the End of Life
• All our free printables

Please note: This post shares general information, checked against VA, the Department of Defense, federal law, Medicare, the National Archives, the Congressional Research Service and the Government Accountability Office in October 2026. Rules change, and every case is decided on its own record. It is not legal or benefits advice and doesn't replace an accredited Veterans Service Officer, an attorney or VA.

Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1; text 838255; or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net. In an emergency, call 911.

With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed