If you only have a moment
Start by telling the funeral director that your loved one served, because honors have to be requested, and the military likes at least two days to arrange them. Look for the DD-214, and if it's missing, the National Archives or the national cemetery scheduling office can find the records for free, so there's no need to pay a company. The flag, Taps and the honor guard cost your family nothing, and the headstone, the burial allowance and the President's certificate can all wait until after the service.
Someone you love served, and now they're gone. The funeral home is asking questions you can't answer yet. Do they get military honors? Where is the DD-214? Will the VA help with any of this? And who are you supposed to call first?
I know what it's like when the phone calls and the paperwork land on top of the grief, all in the same week. Nobody hands you a map.
So let's take it in order: what to do first, what to ask for, what to expect on the day, and what can wait.
Jump to: What to do first · Died on active duty · What honors include · Choosing a cemetery · VA benefits · On the day · Making it theirs · What can wait · Taking care of you · Questions families ask
Make your own plan. Our free What Do I Do Now? tool asks a few questions and lays out your family's steps for today, this week and the months ahead. Nothing you type is saved.
Free Printable: After a Veteran Dies: The First 30 Days
For: spouses, children, and family members handling things after a veteran dies (1 sheet, front and back)
The calls to make, survivor benefits to ask about, and the deadlines that matter. Keep it by the phone.
What to Do First
Tell the funeral director your loved one was a veteran. Say it on the first call. Military honors don't happen on their own. Families ask for them through the funeral director, who contacts the honors coordinator for the right branch. Give them time: the military recommends at least 48 hours to put a funeral detail together.
Find the DD-214. This is the veteran's discharge paper. Check the safe, a lockbox, the file drawer, or old VA letters. Other discharge papers showing service that wasn't dishonorable can also work. If the veteran ever filed a VA claim, the VA regional office will have a copy too.
If you can't find it, don't panic, and don't pay anyone. Copies are free from the National Archives for veterans and their next of kin. Some companies charge for something the Archives does at no cost.
- National cemetery burial: call the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117. They work with the Archives to get the records for you.
- Any other burial: ask online through eVetRecs and choose "Emergency Request." Or fax Standard Form 180 to 314-801-0764, signed by the next of kin, with proof of death such as a death certificate, a letter from the funeral home, or a published obituary.
If the records burned. A 1973 fire destroyed millions of Army and Air Force records for people discharged between 1912 and 1964. The Archives can often prove service from other records, though it may take longer.
If Your Loved One Died on Active Duty
You won't be doing this alone. Each branch assigns a trained casualty assistance officer to the family. They help with the funeral, honors, and benefits, including the death gratuity, a one-time $100,000 tax-free payment to the designated next of kin. Full honors are always provided for active-duty deaths.
What Military Honors Include (and What They May Not)
By law, every eligible veteran gets at least two uniformed service members, and under Defense Department policy, one of them is from the veteran's own branch. Together they play Taps, fold the flag, and present it to the family. There is no cost.
You may picture a rifle salute and pallbearers. Please ask for them, but know they aren't promised. The military adds a firing team and pallbearers only when it has the people to send. In many towns, trained volunteers from veterans groups fill in the extra parts of the ceremony. If it's two people and Taps, that is still the nation saying thank you.
Who qualifies: service members on active duty or in the National Guard or Reserves, and veterans who left active duty under conditions other than dishonorable. Your funeral director can confirm.
It's not too late if they've already been cremated. Families who have their veteran's ashes at home and now want a burial ceremony can still contact the honors coordinator to arrange honors.
Choosing a Cemetery
National cemetery. Burial is free for eligible veterans. It includes a government headstone or marker and perpetual care at no cost to the family. A spouse or minor child may be buried there too, even if the veteran died first.
To schedule:
- Fax the discharge papers to 866-900-6417, or email them to NCA.Scheduling@va.gov with the person's name in the subject line.
- Then call 800-535-1117 (TTY: 711), Monday through Friday, 8:00 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Eastern.
Arlington National Cemetery. Arlington has its own rules, and they're stricter than any other national cemetery for in-ground burial. Most veterans with at least one day of active duty and an honorable discharge can be placed above ground in the columbarium. Arlington confirms eligibility only at the time of death.
State veterans cemetery. Most states have one, and the rules and costs vary by state.
Private cemetery. The VA still helps. It provides a headstone or marker for an unmarked grave, or a bronze medallion that attaches to a stone you bought yourself. Before you sign with a private cemetery, our guide to your rights with a cemetery explains the fees and the "veterans specials" to watch for.
VA Benefits to Ask About
Burial flag. Request it with VA Form 27-2008 and the discharge papers. If there is no next of kin, a friend can ask for it.
Headstone, marker, or medallion. Use VA Form 40-1330 for a headstone or marker, or 40-1330M for a medallion.
Presidential Memorial Certificate. This is an engraved certificate signed by the current President, and you can ask for more than one, so each child can have their own. Use VA Form 40-0247.
Burial allowance. This is money to help with costs. It's paid when, for example, the death was service-connected, the veteran died in VA care, or the veteran was receiving a VA pension or compensation.
- Service-connected death on or after September 11, 2001: up to $2,000
- Other deaths on or after October 1, 2026: $1,032 for burial and $1,032 for a plot. Deaths from October 1, 2025 to September 30, 2026: $1,002 each
You can apply online or mail in VA Form 21P-530EZ. Watch the deadline: if the death wasn't service-connected, you generally must file within 2 years of the burial. And if you're the surviving spouse, you may not need to file at all. The VA automatically pays a set amount to eligible spouses listed on the veteran's record.
You don't have to do this paperwork alone. Your county veterans service office helps with these forms for free.
On the Day
The honors usually come after the service and eulogy. After Taps, the flag is carefully folded into a triangle. If there's an urn, the flag arrives already folded. A uniformed member of the veteran's branch presents it to the next of kin.
It helps guests to know what's coming. A line in the program like "Military honors will be rendered at the graveside" tells them when to stand and be still. Our free Military Honors at the Service page explains each part for guests. Our military and patriotic templates have space for honors wording.
👉 Step-by-Step: What Happens at a Military Funeral
Making It Theirs
Set out the medals, the uniform, and a photo from their service years. Ask an old buddy to speak. Play the song they always played. Afterward, look for their free page on the VA's Veterans Legacy Memorial, where family and friends can add photos and stories.
👉 Personalizing a Military Funeral While Honoring Tradition
👉 Original Poems for a Military Veteran's Funeral Program
What Can Wait
- The headstone order, the certificate, and the burial allowance. None of these has to happen before the funeral.
- A shadow box for the flag and medals.
- Thank-you notes, including one to the honor guard. It's always appreciated and never expected.
Taking Care of You
You don't have to get every detail perfect. Hand the phone calls to someone you trust. Eat something. If grief gets too heavy, the VA offers bereavement counseling for families.
You don't have to do any of it alone.
Questions Families Ask
Do military honors cost anything?
No. They are free for every eligible veteran.
Can we have honors with cremation, or at a memorial service?
Yes. Honors can be held at a national, state, or private cemetery, and a flag can be presented at a memorial service.
Can we check eligibility before our veteran dies?
Yes. VA Form 40-10007 confirms eligibility for national cemetery burial ahead of time. It doesn't reserve a specific gravesite.
What about burial at sea?
The Navy's Burial at Sea program answers questions at 1-833-330-6622. Families can't attend, and it takes about 12 to 18 months on average. Our guide Military Honors When the Burial Is Later, Far Away, or Not at All explains more.
More Help
- Paying for a Funeral: What It Costs, Your Rights, Your Options and Who Can Help
- Your Rights With a Cemetery: Fees, Vaults, Headstones and What to Get in Writing
- Give This to Your Funeral Director (free one-page form)
- My Service, Wishes, and Papers (free; for a veteran who is still here to write down their service, honors wishes and where the papers are) · fillable
- Military Funeral Honors: Who Qualifies and How to Arrange Them
- Understanding the Order of Service for a Military Funeral
- When a Veteran Is in Hospice: A Free Family Guide
- Military and Veteran Obituary Examples
- Military & Patriotic Funeral Program Templates
Please note: This guide shares general information. It is not legal or benefits advice. For your family's situation, check with your funeral director, the VA, or an accredited Veterans Service Officer. Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1; text 838255; or chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net. In an emergency, call 911.
These resources are free, always. If this helped your family and you'd like to say thank you, you can leave a small gift.
With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed