If you only have a moment
In most states, the person who decides about burial or cremation is whoever the person who died named in writing ahead of time. If no one was named, it usually goes to a spouse first, then adult children, then parents, then brothers and sisters. Every state words it a little differently, so find your state below before you sign anything.
You're sitting across a desk from a funeral director, and they ask a question you didn't expect: are you the one with the legal right to decide? Or maybe the question hasn't come yet, but the family is already pulling in different directions, and you're wondering whose say actually counts.
When my husband died, the choices landed on me as his wife. He had told me a little: he wanted to be cremated, and he didn't want to stay in an urn on a shelf. He wanted to be buried. I'm sure there was more he would have said, if he'd had the time to say it. The rest, the family and I figured out together. Not every family has someone so clearly first in line. A partner who never married. Grown children who don't agree. A parent nobody has spoken to in years.
So here is how the law sorts it out, in plain words, and what each state says. If you're planning ahead, there's a part for you too, because the kindest thing you can leave your family may be one signed page that names who decides.
Jump to: What it means · The usual order · When family disagrees · The bill · Partners and other families · Name someone now · Find your state · Common questions
What "right of disposition" means
It's a stiff legal phrase for something tender. It means the right to decide what happens to your person's body: burial or cremation, where they rest, and the funeral arrangements. California's law, for example, covers the disposition itself, where and how they're laid to rest, and the funeral goods and services.
It is not the same as being the executor, and it isn't decided by who inherits the house. A power of attorney for money matters usually ends when the person dies, so it does not carry over to funeral decisions. A U.S. Virgin Islands court said exactly that in 2015 and gave the decision to the son, and Minnesota and Utah say the same in their laws. A health care power of attorney can, in some states, if it says so.
The usual order
Each state sets its own list. Most follow a pattern close to this:
- The person they named in writing (an agent, funeral representative or designee) or their own written instructions.
- A spouse. Some states also include a registered domestic partner. California treats a registered domestic partner the same as a spouse; New York lists a domestic partner right after a spouse.
- Adult children. In some states any one child can act. In others it takes a majority.
- Parents.
- Adult brothers and sisters.
- Other relatives, in the order they would inherit.
- Others in some states: a guardian, the executor, a close friend, or a county official.
A few states change the order in ways that matter. Georgia puts a health care agent first, and so do Tennessee and Vermont, right after your own written wishes. Michigan, Iowa, Kentucky and Louisiana put grandchildren ahead of parents. Arizona puts a spouse ahead of even a named health care agent. Colorado puts the executor ahead of a spouse, and Idaho puts a guardian ahead of one. In Utah, an executor you named after you married comes before your spouse. Indiana lists stepchildren, after the other relatives, and Wyoming lists them right after grandparents. Missouri puts first an agent named in a durable power of attorney, but only if it specifically gives funeral decisions. New Hampshire and North Dakota spell the list out well past brothers and sisters, to grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and in New Hampshire even first cousins; Rhode Island goes to nieces and nephews too. North Carolina's list keeps going after all the relatives, to a caring friend, a public official, an institution and finally anyone willing to take responsibility. And for someone who dies while serving in the military, the person named on their DD Form 93 is first in many states' laws.
Massachusetts is the odd one out among the states: it has no law on this at all. A funeral board rule sets the order instead. Florida, Massachusetts and New Mexico have a family order but, as far as we found, no way to name someone else to decide. South Carolina's list is written for cremation; we found no separate list just for burial.
The territories differ too. Puerto Rico's list names the oldest child and the oldest brother or sister, not a majority. Guam puts the person you name after a spouse, children, parents and siblings. The Northern Mariana Islands' order comes from a health rule, not a law. And we found no written law setting an order at all in the U.S. Virgin Islands (courts there use common law) or American Samoa.
Only adults count, usually 18 and older. In California, "child" means a birth or adopted child, so stepchildren aren't on the list unless they were adopted.
When the family disagrees
This is the hard one. Grief makes everyone tender, and old hurts come to the surface fast.
Find out whether your state needs a majority. Illinois, California, North Carolina and Georgia go by majority when there are several grown children or siblings. Texas lets any one adult child or sibling act. Ohio asks children to agree together. Maryland and Kansas let one child go ahead after telling the others in writing, unless someone objects. In Missouri, Oregon and South Carolina, one person can go ahead unless someone else objects; then Missouri and South Carolina go by majority. In Pennsylvania, if two relatives with equal say disagree, a court decides, leaning toward whoever was closest; with more than two, the majority rules. Guam lets the funeral home follow the first person in a group to make arrangements, unless another objects in writing. New Jersey needs both parents to sign if both are living and can be reached. In Wyoming, anyone equal or higher on the list has 3 days to file a different written consent, and then the larger number wins.
Try to talk before anyone signs. Ask each person what matters most to them. Sometimes it's not burial versus cremation at all; it's having a service, or a place to visit.
Know the clock is running. Many states take the right away from someone who doesn't act in time. Texas, for example, moves it to the next person if final arrangements aren't made within 6 days of being told or 10 days after the death, whichever comes first. Kentucky's is 5 days after being told, and Utah's is 3 days after being told or 5 days after the death, whichever comes first. Montana's, South Dakota's and West Virginia's clocks are 2 days after being told or 3 after the death, Wisconsin's is 2 days after being told, and New Jersey gives the closest family 72 hours after the death. In Ohio, the right passes on if it isn't used within 48 hours of being told, or 72 hours after the death if no one was told. Michigan's, Alaska's, Indiana's and Tennessee's timelines are counted in hours too, and Iowa's is the shortest we've found: 24 hours after being told, or 40 hours after the death. In Missouri, a closer relative who is told and doesn't object within 48 hours gives up the right, and Guam has the same 48-hour rule for written notice.
If you truly can't agree, a court decides. Texas, New York, California, Georgia and Utah all send these disputes to a judge. In New York, the funeral home doesn't have to go ahead until there's a court order or a paper signed by everyone in the dispute. In Virginia, any relative can ask the circuit court to decide; someone has to tell the funeral home about the disagreement within 48 hours of it receiving the body, and the funeral home then pauses until the family agrees or the judge rules. Going to court costs time and money, so it's worth one more try to talk, or a neutral person, like a clergy member or mediator, before it comes to that.
Some people lose the right. In many states, a person charged with causing the death can't make these decisions. Tennessee is different: there it takes a conviction, not just a charge. New York, Texas, Maryland, Indiana and New Jersey also exclude someone under a protective or restraining order that protected the person who died. Pennsylvania lets a court act if someone was long estranged, and Maine, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Vermont and Wisconsin can pass over an estranged spouse or relative too. In New Jersey, a divorce or ended partnership takes away an ex's say.
Who pays the bill
Here's the part no one says out loud: in many states, the right to decide comes with responsibility for the reasonable cost. California, Texas and Illinois say so directly. In Michigan, whoever takes charge has to make sure the bill is covered (insurance, a trust, a prepaid plan or someone's promise to pay), or they owe it themselves. In Missouri and Guam, everyone on the list must be willing to take on the cost to qualify. Nebraska and Washington put it on all the relatives at that level together, along with the estate. Minnesota puts the cost on the estate first, and Wisconsin puts it on the estate. In Rhode Island, the person you name agrees to make sure the funeral is paid, from your money or, if that falls short, their own. Kentucky's funeral homes only have to follow a funeral planning declaration once it's paid for. In Oklahoma, if no family can be found and officials don't step in within 36 hours, the funeral director can decide and recover reasonable costs.
If you can't take that on, you don't have to pretend you can. In most states, when the person first in line can't or won't act, the right moves to the next person. Talk to the funeral home honestly about what you can manage, and ask about simple choices like direct cremation. Our post on paying for a funeral walks through help that may be available.
Unmarried partners, chosen family and estranged relatives
This is where the law can feel the most unfair. A partner of twenty years can have no say at all, while a sibling who hasn't called in a decade does.
The fix is a signed paper made ahead of time. Every state we've checked except Florida, Massachusetts and New Mexico lets a person name someone to decide, in some way (we found no such law in Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa or the Northern Mariana Islands either). Some places also make room for a partner or close friend:
- New York lists a domestic partner right after a spouse, and a close friend who knows the person's wishes when no one higher on the list is available. Maine does the same for a domestic partner, and Maryland, New Jersey and the District of Columbia put a domestic partner on the same line as a spouse. New Jersey includes a civil union partner there too. Washington puts a state registered domestic partner with a spouse, and Rhode Island does the same for a domestic partner who signs an affidavit showing you lived together and shared finances.
- Florida allows a friend who is willing to take responsibility when no family exists or is available. Missouri and Guam list a friend who takes on the cost when no relative will, and in Wyoming a friend can sign when there's no family.
- Philadelphia offers a form to name a life partner under Pennsylvania's law.
- Colorado lets partners name each other in a designated beneficiary agreement, which puts that person right after a spouse.
- Hawaii treats a civil union partner or reciprocal beneficiary the same as a spouse.
- Arizona, Minnesota, Mississippi, North Dakota and South Carolina include an adult who showed special care and concern for the person, and the District of Columbia's list ends with an adult friend. North Carolina and New Mexico list that caring person too, but only after every relative. Puerto Rico's list includes the person who took care of them in life.
- In Maine, New Hampshire and Wisconsin, someone who was closer to the person than the family can ask the probate court to give them the right.
If you're grieving someone the law doesn't list, you can still ask the family to let you be part of it. And you can still hold your own goodbye, whatever the family decides.
Naming someone now (if you're planning ahead)
If you take one thing from this post, let it be this: write down who you want to decide, and sign it the way your state requires.
- Use your state's form or wording. Several states give the exact wording in the law (Texas, Illinois, New York, Georgia, Iowa, Indiana, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, West Virginia). Kentucky's Attorney General, Maryland's Attorney General (an "After My Death" form), North Carolina's Secretary of State (the health care power of attorney, which covers funeral decisions), New Jersey's Cemetery Board, Rhode Island's Department of Health and Wisconsin's Department of Health Services have fill-in forms.
- Sign it the right way. Some want a notary (Georgia's is an affidavit sworn before a notary; Illinois's must be notarized, and so must Louisiana's, Montana's, Nebraska's, Nevada's, South Dakota's, West Virginia's and Virginia's). Others want two witnesses (New York, Indiana, Vermont, Guam; Michigan, Iowa, Kansas, Oregon, Tennessee and Wisconsin let you use two witnesses or a notary, and Utah a notary or the same signing a will needs). New Jersey's, Kentucky's and North Carolina's forms need both two witnesses and a notary, and Rhode Island's a witness and a notary. Maryland, Massachusetts and Washington ask for one witness. In Missouri, it has to be a durable power of attorney that names the funeral decision specifically. Guam's paper must also list everyone who ranks above the person you name.
- Have the person you name sign too, if your state asks. New York's and Illinois's forms have an acceptance line for the agent, and Rhode Island, Virginia and Wisconsin require one.
- Put your wishes in it, and money behind them if you can. California, Maine, Minnesota and New Hampshire only require families to follow written instructions as far as payment was arranged or money was left for them, and South Dakota and West Virginia say the same about wishes attached to your affidavit. Oregon voids your directions if no one can pay for them. Montana even lets you record your wishes on video, with two witnesses.
- Don't hide it in the will alone. A will is often read after the funeral. Give copies to the person you named and to your family. In Virginia, a copy has to reach the funeral home within 48 hours after it receives the body, or the paper loses its priority.
- Keep one paper, and make it the latest. If you sign a new one, tear up the old. In Oregon, the most recent paper you signed wins (a DD Form 93 always wins), and a funeral home that gets two papers that don't agree has to sort it out before going ahead.
- Update it after a divorce or a falling-out. In New York, Iowa and New Jersey, divorce or legal separation cancels a spouse's appointment or say.
- If your state or territory has no law for this, write it down and sign it anyway, in front of witnesses, and give copies to your family and a funeral home. It may not bind anyone, but it tells them what you wanted.
Free printable: Who Will Decide for Me? is a one-page form to name your person and a backup, write down what you want, and note where your signed paper is kept and who has a copy. En español: ¿Quién decidirá por mí?
If you're planning ahead, my book Everything They'll Need to Know: A Guide and Planner helps you gather your wishes, papers and plans in one place, so this signed page has a home with the rest. (About the book and its free printables)
Find your state
Choose your state or territory. The box shows who decides there, in plain words, with the official law and any form. Every state is here, plus the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, American Samoa and the Northern Mariana Islands.
Alabama
First: (military) the DD Form 93 designee, then a person you named in a notarized affidavit, then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then grandchildren, then parents, then siblings, then grandparents. A spouse loses the right if a divorce was pending, and a probate judge can take it from someone long estranged. Anyone who doesn't act within 2 days of being told or 3 days of the death loses the right. The probate judge settles disputes. Law: Ala. Code 34-13-11 (affidavit wording included).
Alaska
First: an agent you named in a notarized disposition document (your agent must sign to accept), then the executor following written instructions in your will, then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents, then other relatives. The clock is short: anyone who doesn't act within 48 hours loses the right. Whoever takes charge is responsible for reasonable costs if the estate can't cover them. Disputes go to the superior court. Law: AS 13.75 (form included).
Arizona
Here a spouse comes first, ahead of even a health care agent, unless the couple was legally separated or a divorce was pending. Next is a health care or durable power of attorney agent, but only if the document specifically gives funeral decisions; the Attorney General's free form has a line for that. Then adult children, a parent, siblings, grandchildren, grandparents, and an adult who showed special care and concern for the person. Any one person in a group can act unless someone objects; then the majority decides. For a cremation, someone who can't be reached or won't act within 15 days of the funeral home's first contact can be passed over. Law: A.R.S. 36-831.
Arkansas
First: (military) the DD Form 93 designee, then the person you appointed in a declaration signed in front of two witnesses, then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren. The right is lost if not used within 2 days of being told or 5 days of the death, or if the person won't take on the cost when the estate can't. Long estrangement, a pending divorce, or living apart more than 90 days can also cost someone the right. Law: Ark. Code 20-17-102.
California
First: a health care agent with that power, then a spouse (or registered domestic partner), then adult children by majority, then parents, then adult siblings by majority, then other relatives. Your own written instructions come first if payment is arranged. If someone doesn't act within 7 days (10 for a spouse), the right moves on; a court can settle disagreements. Name someone through an Advance Health Care Directive. Law: Health and Safety Code 7100, 7100.1, 7105.
Colorado
First: your own written declaration, then the executor (or the person your will names), then a spouse, then someone named in a designated beneficiary agreement, then adult children, parents and siblings, each by majority. If no one acts within 5 days of being told or 10 days of the death, the right moves on. Name someone with the Declaration of Disposition of Last Remains; a witness or notary is optional. Law: C.R.S. 15-19-104 to 15-19-109 (form included).
Connecticut
First: the person you named in a document signed before two witnesses (a DD Form 93 counts too), then a spouse, then adult children, parents and siblings, each by majority deciding in writing. If your named person can't be reached within 48 hours, it goes to family. The Probate Court settles disputes. Law: C.G.S. 45a-318 (form included).
Delaware
First: your written declaration, then a spouse (unless legally separated), then the executor, then adult children by majority, then parents, then siblings by majority. If a group can't agree, the Court of Chancery decides. A divorce or legal separation cancels a spouse's appointment. The declaration needs only your dated signature; a notary is optional. Law: 12 Del. C. 260–270 (form included).
District of Columbia
First: your own written directions or the person you named in a signed, dated paper, then a spouse or domestic partner, then adult children by majority, then parents, then other relatives by majority, then an adult friend or volunteer. A court settles disputes. Law: D.C. Code 3-413 and 3-413.01.
Florida
First: your own written directions, then (for a death in military service) the DD Form 93 designee, then a spouse, then adult children, then parents, then adult siblings, then adult grandchildren, then grandparents. Any one person in a group can authorize if they know of no objection. If there's no family, a friend can step in. Florida's law has no step for naming someone else to decide, so the best you can do is put your own wishes in writing and sign them. Law: Florida Statutes 497.005(43).
Georgia
First: your health care agent, then (military) the DD Form 93 designee, then a person you named in a notarized affidavit, then a spouse, then children by majority, then parents, then siblings by majority. Someone who doesn't act within 2 days of being told or 3 days of the death loses the right. The probate court can decide disputes. Law: O.C.G.A. 31-21-7 (affidavit wording included).
Hawaii
First: the person you named in your will or a notarized form, then a spouse, civil union partner or reciprocal beneficiary, then children, parents, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren, each by majority. Anyone who doesn't act within 5 days of being told or 7 days of the death loses the right. The probate court settles disputes and can take the right from someone estranged. Law: HRS 531B (form included).
Idaho
First: a person you named in a notarized paper (or, for a death in service, the DD Form 93 designee), then your health care agent unless your directive says otherwise, then a financial agent only if that paper clearly says so, then a guardian or conservator, then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents. A paid-for prearranged funeral plan controls what it covers. Law: Idaho Code 54-1139, 54-1142.
Illinois
First: your named agent, then (in some cases) the executor following your will, then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents, then other relatives by majority. Your appointment must be notarized, and your agent signs it to accept. Someone charged with murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death loses the right. A court must settle a dispute within 30 days. Law: 755 ILCS 65 (Disposition of Remains Act; form included).
Indiana
First: the funeral planning agent you named (or, for a death in service, the DD Form 93 designee), then a health care or power of attorney agent given this power, then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents, then siblings by majority, then a guardian, then other relatives, then stepchildren. A spouse loses the right if a divorce or legal separation was pending, and so does anyone the person who died had a protection order against. Anyone who doesn't act within 72 hours of being told loses the right. Name someone with a Funeral Planning Declaration signed before two witnesses (not your parent, spouse, child or an heir). Disputes go to the probate court. Law: IC 25-15-9-18 and IC 29-2-19 (form included).
Read the law (find section IC 25-15-9-18 on the page)See the form wording
Iowa
First: the designee you named in a Declaration of Designee for Final Disposition, then a spouse (unless legally separated), then children by majority, then parents, then grandchildren, siblings and grandparents, each by majority. Iowa's clock is the shortest we've found: anyone who doesn't act within 24 hours of being told or 40 hours of the death loses the right. A divorce cancels a spouse's designation. Sign the declaration before two witnesses or a notary. Law: Iowa Code 144C (form included).
Kansas
First: a health care power of attorney agent, if the document gives power over funeral decisions (for a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee comes first), then a spouse, then adult children, then parents, then other relatives. Any one adult child can act after telling the others in writing, unless one of them objects in writing. Your health care power of attorney must be signed in front of two adult witnesses (not your agent, a relative or an heir) or a notary. Law: K.S.A. 65-1734.
Kentucky
First: the designee in your funeral planning declaration (or the DD Form 93 designee), then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents, then grandchildren, siblings and other relatives, each by majority. If the person with the right doesn't take it up within 5 days of being told, it moves on. Someone arrested or charged in the death can't decide. The Attorney General's Funeral Planning Declaration form asks for two witnesses and a notary, and it can't be part of a will or power of attorney. Law: KRS 367.93103, 367.93115, 367.93117.
Louisiana
First: the person you named in a notarized will or a written, notarized declaration, then a spouse (unless a divorce was pending), then a majority of adult children, then a majority of grandchildren, then parents, then a majority of siblings. For some deaths in military service, the DD Form 93 counts; whichever paper is dated last wins. Someone wanted for arrest in the death can't decide. If no one with the right can be reached, a district court must decide. Law: La. R.S. 8:655.
Maine
First: the person you named in a written, signed paper, then a spouse, then a domestic partner, then adult children, parents, siblings, grandchildren and other relatives, with the majority deciding in each group. If no one acts within 4 days of the death, the right moves on. An estranged spouse or partner, or anyone charged in the death, can't decide. The probate court can give the right to whoever is most fit, even a non-relative who lived with the person. Law: 22 M.R.S. 2843-A.
Maryland
First: (military) the DD Form 93 designee, then the person you named in a paper signed in front of a witness, then a spouse or domestic partner, then adult children, parents, siblings and grandchildren. One child can act after telling the others in writing, or a majority can decide. Anyone who doesn't act within 7 days of the funeral home's notice or 10 days of the death loses the right, and so does someone charged in the death or under a protective order. The Attorney General's free "After My Death" form lets you name your health care agent or someone else to decide; sign it in front of two witnesses. Law: Health Occupations 7-410.
Massachusetts
There's no state law on this; a funeral board rule sets the order. First: a pre-need funeral contract, then your written wishes signed in front of a witness (the rule covers your wishes, not naming someone to decide; a health care proxy can sign only if no next of kin is available), then a spouse, then adult children, then parents, then siblings, then a guardian. A majority of each group decides; a court breaks ties. Bills to create a fuller law are pending. Rule: 239 CMR 3.09.
Michigan
First: (military) the DD Form 93 designee, then a funeral representative you named, then a spouse, then adult children, then grandchildren, then parents, then grandparents, then siblings. The funeral representative designation must be signed in front of two witnesses or a notary. If the people first in line can't be found, decline, or don't act within 72 hours after the death is pronounced, the right moves to the next group. A majority decides within a group; if there's no majority, any of them can ask the probate court. Someone charged with intentionally killing the person can't decide while the charge is pending. Whoever takes charge must make sure the bill is paid. Law: MCL 700.3206.
Minnesota
First: the person you named in a dated, signed paper (your Health Care Directive counts if you initial the line about burial or cremation), then a spouse, then adult children by majority, then parents, then siblings, grandchildren, grandparents, and nieces and nephews. An adult who showed special care and concern for the person is on the list too. A court can pass over someone estranged, and settles disputes. The estate pays reasonable costs. Law: Minn. Stat. 149A.80.
Mississippi
First: your own Self-Directed Disposition Authorization (or the DD Form 93 designee), then a spouse, then an adult child, then a grandchild, then either parent, then a sibling, then other relatives, then a person who showed special care and concern. Anyone who doesn't act within 5 days of the death waives the right. If family members sign conflicting papers, the larger number wins. Someone a court finds at fault in the death can't decide. Law: Miss. Code 73-11-58.
Missouri
First: an agent you named in a durable power of attorney that specifically gives them the right to decide about your body (the law calls it the "right of sepulcher"), then (for a death on active duty) the DD Form 93 designee, then a spouse (unless a divorce had been filed and was pending), then any child, then a parent, then a brother or sister, then the next closest relative, then a friend who takes on the cost. Everyone on the list has to be willing to pay for the disposition. Your family can also hand the decision to someone else through a power of attorney, if that person or they take on the cost. Before making arrangements, you have to tell anyone who ranks above you; if they're told and don't object within 48 hours, they give up the right. If a group disagrees, the majority decides. No official form found. Law: RSMo 194.119.
Montana
First: (for a death on active duty, in the Guard or reserves) the DD Form 93 designee, then the person you named in a notarized paper, then a spouse, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of siblings, then grandparents, a guardian, the executor and other relatives. Anyone who doesn't act within 2 days of being told or 3 days of the death loses the right. So does someone charged in the death, a spouse with a divorce pending, or someone a court finds was estranged. If family with equal say can't agree by majority, the district court where the person lived decides. Your written wishes, signed in front of two adult witnesses, or even a video with two witnesses, can direct what happens. Law: MCA 37-19-903 to 37-19-907 (form included).
Nebraska
First: (for a death in active service) the DD Form 93 designee, then the person you named in a notarized affidavit, then a spouse, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of siblings, then grandparents and other relatives. Anyone who doesn't act within 3 days of being told or 4 days of the death loses the right, and so does someone charged with murder or manslaughter in the death, a spouse with a divorce pending, or someone a court finds was estranged. The relatives who hold the right share the reasonable cost with the estate. The county court settles disputes. Law: Neb. Rev. Stat. 30-2223 (affidavit wording included), 38-1425.
Nevada
First: the person you named in your will, a durable power of attorney or a notarized affidavit, then (for a death on active duty, in the reserves or Guard) the DD Form 93 designee, then a spouse, then adult children, then either parent, then adult siblings, then grandparents, then a guardian, and finally any adult who swears they knew the person and accepts the cost. A funeral home can ask for a majority within a group. Someone arrested or charged with murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death can't decide. If the person with the right can't be reached or won't make arrangements within 30 days, it moves on. Law: NRS 451.024 (affidavit wording included).
New Hampshire
First: the person you named in a written, signed paper (for a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee), then a spouse, then adult children, a parent, adult siblings, adult grandchildren, adult nieces and nephews, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and first cousins. The majority decides within a group; the probate court decides if there's no majority. An estranged spouse is skipped, and so is someone arrested for causing the death. If family won't cooperate with the funeral director for 3 days, the right moves on. Someone who lived with the person and was closer than the family can ask the probate court for the right. Law: RSA 290:16 to 290:23.
New Jersey
First: the person you appointed in your will or on the state's approved form (or, for a death on active duty, the DD Form 93 designee), then a spouse, civil union partner or domestic partner, then a majority of adult children, then parents (both must sign if both are living and can be reached), then a majority of siblings, then other relatives. The closest family has 72 hours after the death to act before the right moves on. Someone the person who died had a restraining order against, or someone charged with killing them, is passed over, and a divorce ends an ex's say. The state form must be signed in front of two witnesses and notarized. Law: N.J.S.A. 45:27-22 (official form from the New Jersey Cemetery Board).
New Mexico
Your own written instructions come first. If there are none: a spouse, then a majority of adult children, then parents, then a majority of siblings, then other relatives in the order they would inherit, then an adult who showed special care and concern and knows your wishes. (For a death in military service with no written instructions, the DD Form 93 designee decides.) Whoever has the body has to try to reach the legal next of kin. A wish to be cremated must be followed if it's in a signed statement that's notarized or witnessed by two people, or written clearly in your will. We found no New Mexico law for naming someone else to decide, and no time limit. Law: NMSA 24-12A-1, 24-12A-2.
New York
First: your appointed agent, then a spouse, then a domestic partner, then adult children (majority if more than two), then parents, then adult siblings, then a guardian, then other heirs, then the executor, then a close friend who knows your wishes. Someone under an order of protection protecting the person who died, or charged in the death, can't decide. Disputes go to court. Law: Public Health Law 4201 (form included, two witnesses).
North Carolina
You can leave your own instructions, or name someone to decide, in a preneed funeral contract or cremation form, a health care power of attorney, a will, or a signed statement witnessed by two adults (a DD Form 93 counts too, and wins). Otherwise: a spouse, then a majority of adult children, then parents, then a majority of adult siblings, then a majority of the next closest relatives, then a person who showed special care and concern for the person, then a public official (when the state is responsible), then an institution's representative, then anyone willing to take responsibility. Someone who doesn't act within 5 days of notice or 10 days of death, whichever comes first, gives up the right. The Secretary of State's free health care power of attorney form covers funeral decisions; it needs two witnesses and a notary. Law: G.S. 130A-420.
North Dakota
First: an adult you named in a signed, dated statement (they can say no), then a spouse, then a majority of adult children, then parents, then a majority of adult siblings, grandchildren, grandparents, and nieces and nephews, then a guardian, then an adult who showed special care and concern. For a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee decides. A spouse involved in the death can't decide, and a court can pass over someone estranged. Whoever has the duty must arrange disposition within 8 days of the death, or the next person must. The district court settles disputes. Law: NDCC 23-06-03, 23-06-31.
Ohio
First: the representative you named in a written declaration, then a spouse, then adult children together, then parents, then siblings, then grandparents and other relatives. The right passes on if it isn't used within 48 hours of being told, or 72 hours after the death if no one was told. A probate court can assign the right when family can't agree. Law: Ohio Revised Code 2108.70–2108.82 (2108.75 for the clock).
Read the lawGet the form: State of Ohio Declaration for Funeral Arrangements
Oklahoma
First: your own pre-need contract or signed written directions, then a representative you appointed in a signed, witnessed paper or sworn affidavit (for a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee), then a spouse, then a majority of adult children, then parents, then a majority of adult siblings, then a guardian, then other relatives. Anyone who doesn't act within 3 days of being told or 5 days of the death loses the right, and so does someone charged with murder or manslaughter in the death, or someone a court finds was estranged. The district court where the person lived settles disputes. Oklahoma courts have required an actual signed paper, not just what someone remembers being said. Law: 21 O.S. 1151, 1151a, 1158.
Oregon
First: your own signed directions or arrangements made with a licensed funeral home, then the person you appointed on Oregon's form (a DD Form 93 counts, and overrides other papers), then a spouse, then adult children, then either parent, then adult siblings, then a guardian, then other relatives, then the executor. Anyone in a group can act unless someone in the same or a higher group objects in writing. Someone arrested or charged in the death can't decide. If no one has acted within 10 days of the death, a public health officer can. Your directions don't hold if no one can pay for them. The most recent paper you signed wins, and a funeral home that gets two papers that don't agree has to sort it out before going ahead. Sign the appointment in front of a notary or two adult witnesses (not the person you're naming). Law: ORS 97.130 (form included).
Pennsylvania
A spouse has sole authority, then the next of kin in the order they would inherit. A valid will, or for a service member a DD Form 93 signed after the will, can direct otherwise, and you can name someone else in a "statement of contrary intent," spoken or written. If two relatives with equal say disagree, a court decides, leaning toward whoever was closest; with more than two, the majority rules. A court can also step in for long estrangement; a petition filed within 48 hours of the death can pause the funeral until the judge decides. Law: 20 Pa.C.S. § 305.
Rhode Island
First: a funeral service contract you signed yourself, for what it covers. Otherwise: the funeral planning agent you named, then a spouse or domestic partner, then adult children, then parents, then brothers and sisters, then adult grandchildren, then adult nieces and nephews, then a guardian. A domestic partner has to sign an affidavit showing you lived together at least a year and shared finances. Name someone on the Department of Health's Funeral Planning Agent Designation form, signed by you, the person you name, one witness and a notary. By signing, your agent agrees to make sure the funeral is paid, from your money or, if that falls short, their own. Law: R.I. Gen. Laws 5-33.2-24 and 5-33.3 (form included).
Read the lawGet the form: Funeral Planning Agent Designation Form
South Carolina
First: the agent you named in a will or other signed, attested paper (for a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee), then a spouse (unless legally separated), then adult children, parents, brothers and sisters, adult grandchildren, grandparents and a guardian. After that, the executor, a public official, or an adult who showed special care and concern can step in. Any one person in a group can act unless they know someone objects; then the majority of those who can be reached decides. Disagreements between equals go to the probate court. South Carolina's list is written for authorizing cremation; we found no separate list just for burial. For a burial, ask your funeral home. To be safe, sign any paper naming someone in front of witnesses and a notary. No official form found. Law: S.C. Code 32-8-320.
South Dakota
First: the person you named in a notarized affidavit, then (for a death on active duty) the DD Form 93 designee, then a spouse, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then a majority of grandparents, then the executor named in your will, a guardian and other relatives. Anyone who doesn't act within 2 days of being told or 3 days after the funeral home takes the body loses the right. So does someone charged with murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death, a spouse with a divorce pending, or someone a court finds was estranged. The county court settles disputes. Law: SDCL 34-26-75 to 34-26-78 (affidavit wording included).
Tennessee
Your own signed directions come first, if they're notarized or witnessed by two adults (a letter, will, trust or advance directive can all work), or a pre-need funeral contract. If not: your health care agent named in a durable power of attorney for health care, then a spouse, then a majority of children, then a parent, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then grandchildren, grandparents, a guardian, the executor and other relatives. Anyone who doesn't act within 72 hours of being told, or 7 days after the death, loses the right. Here a person loses the right only if convicted of murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death, not just charged. The probate court settles disputes. No official funeral form found. Law: Tenn. Code 62-5-701 to 62-5-706.
Texas
First: the person you named in a signed, notarized appointment, then a spouse, then any one adult child, then either parent, then any one adult sibling, then the executor, then other relatives. The right moves on if arrangements aren't made within 6 days of notice or 10 days of death. Someone arrested in the death for family violence against the person, or someone the person had a protective order against, can't decide. Disputes go to the probate court. Law: Health and Safety Code 711.002 (form included).
Utah
First: the person you named in a paper that's notarized or signed the way a will must be (for a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee). Then a spouse, but with a twist: if you named an executor after you married, that executor comes before your spouse. Then the executor named in your will, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then other relatives, then a guardian. A power of attorney that ends at death doesn't count. Someone charged with first- or second-degree murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death can't decide unless cleared. The right passes on if it isn't used within 3 days of being told or 5 days after the death. If family can't agree, the probate court decides. No official form found. Law: Utah Code 58-9-602.
Vermont
Your own written directive comes first. If there isn't one: the person you appointed in an advance directive, then a spouse, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then other relatives, then a guardian. Anyone who doesn't act within 3 days of being told or 5 days after the death loses the right. So does someone police name as a person of interest likely to be charged with murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death, or someone the probate court finds was estranged. A close relative, or whoever has the body, can ask the probate court to decide. A funeral home, crematory or cemetery worker can't be the person you name unless they're family. Appoint someone in a Vermont advance directive, signed before two adult witnesses (not your agent or close family). Law: 18 V.S.A. 5227, 5228; 18 V.S.A. 9702, 9703.
Virginia
First: the person you named in a signed, notarized paper that they accepted in writing (for a death in military service, the DD Form 93 designee). A copy has to reach the funeral home within 48 hours after it receives the body, or the paper doesn't take priority. Otherwise Virginia's "next of kin" list applies: a spouse, adult children, parents, adult brothers and sisters, grandparents and other relatives. If there's no family, or they won't act, the person you named, your advance directive agent, or a guardian can; then any adult who can identify the person and will pay. Any relative can ask the circuit court to decide a disagreement; the funeral home must be told within 48 hours of receiving the body, and then it pauses until the family agrees or the judge rules. No official form found. Law: Va. Code 54.1-2825, 54.1-2800, 54.1-2807.01, 54.1-2807.02.
Washington
Your own written wishes, signed in front of a witness, come first, along with any prepaid funeral arrangements. Then: (for a death in military service) the DD Form 93 designee, then the agent you named in a paper signed and dated in front of a witness, then a spouse or state registered domestic partner, then a majority of adult children, then parents, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then a guardian. Someone arrested or charged with murder or first-degree manslaughter in the death loses the right. Everyone with the right shares responsibility for the reasonable cost, along with the estate. No official form found. Law: RCW 68.50.160.
West Virginia
A preneed funeral contract controls what it covers. For a death in military service, the person named on the DD Form 93 decides. Otherwise: the person you named in a notarized affidavit, then a spouse, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then grandparents, adult grandchildren, a guardian, the executor and other relatives. Anyone who doesn't act within 2 days of being told or 3 days of the death loses the right. So does someone charged with murder or voluntary manslaughter in the death, or a spouse with a divorce pending. Law: W. Va. Code 30-6-22, 30-6-22a (affidavit wording included).
Wisconsin
First: the representative you named in an Authorization for Final Disposition (a DD Form 93 counts too), then a spouse, then a majority of children, then parents, then a majority of brothers and sisters, then other relatives, then a guardian. The clock is short: anyone who doesn't act within 2 days of being told loses the right. So does someone charged with intentional or reckless homicide in the death, a spouse with a divorce pending, or someone the probate court finds was estranged. A non-relative who was closer to the person than the family can ask the probate court for the right. Sign the state's form in front of two adult witnesses who aren't related to you, or a notary; your representative signs to accept. The estate pays the reasonable costs. Law: Wis. Stat. 154.30 (free form from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services).
Read the lawGet the form: Authorization for Final Disposition
Wyoming
Your own written instructions, or the person named in your written designation, come first (a military form counts). If not, any one of these can sign a consent, in this order: a spouse, an adult child, either parent, an adult brother or sister, a grandparent, a stepchild, then a guardian. Someone equal or higher on the list can file a different written consent within 3 days; then the larger number in the top group wins, and a tie goes to the earlier consent unless a court orders otherwise. If no one consents within 7 days of the death, the county coroner can. Law: Wyo. Stat. 2-17-101.
Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico's law is in Spanish; here it is in plain English. For an ordinary burial, Puerto Rico's funeral law sets no order; funeral homes ask the family. The order below is the one the law uses when the Forensic Science Institute releases a body (which includes every cremation): a spouse who was living with the person when they died, then the oldest adult child (then the next in line), then the father or mother, then the oldest full brother or sister (then the oldest half brother or sister), then a grandparent, then the person's guardian or the relative or other person who took care of them in life. The request is made in writing and signed. If no one claims the body within 6 days, another adult with a real tie to the person can ask for it with a sworn statement; after 10 days, the Institute can bury or cremate. We found no Puerto Rico law for naming someone else ahead of time. Law: Ley 135-2020, Art. 23–24 (Spanish).
Guam
The order is: a spouse, then a child, then a parent, then a brother or sister, then the person you named in a "designation of right of sepulcher," then the next nearest relative, then any friend who takes on the cost. Everyone on the list must be 18 or older and willing to pay. Your designation must be signed, dated and verified, witnessed by two people, and list the names and addresses of everyone who ranks above the person you name. The law calls that person your "closest next-of-kin," but the list puts them after close family, so ask a Guam funeral home or lawyer how it's honored. Before making arrangements, you have to tell anyone who ranks above you; if they're served written notice and don't object within 48 hours, they give up the right. If several people share a group, the funeral home can follow the first to make arrangements, unless another objects in writing. No official form found. Law: 10 GCA 4A102, 4A110.
U.S. Virgin Islands
No written law sets the order. Courts decide using common law, usually favoring close family; in a 2015 case the court gave the decision to the person's son and said a power of attorney ended at death. A permit from the local registrar is needed before any burial or cremation. Ask the funeral home and the Department of Health what they require, and if you're planning ahead, put your wishes and your chosen person in writing anyway. Law: 19 V.I.C. 861 (permits only); Ronan v. Clarke (2015).
American Samoa
We found no American Samoa law that sets an order of who decides. Samoan custom carries real weight here: courts have recognized that a family's matai controls the family's burial ground. When a death is accidental or unexplained, the Attorney General must approve before any burial. Ask the funeral home, the Department of Health and, for burial on family land, the family's matai. Law: A.S.C.A. 13.0520 (reported deaths only).
Northern Mariana Islands
We found no statute. A health rule lists the next of kin in this order: a spouse, then children over 18, then parents, then brothers and sisters. A "responsible person" who takes on the arrangements can also act. Whoever authorizes a cremation must sign the authorization form and identify the body in person first. Timing is tight: a body must be refrigerated, embalmed, cremated or buried within 24 hours of reaching the morgue or funeral home. We found no CNMI law for naming someone else ahead of time. Rule: NMIAC 140-20.2-001(mm), -425.
Read the lawGet the form: Authorization to Embalm or Cremate
I'm not a lawyer, and this isn't legal advice. Laws change, and every family's situation is different. Use this as a starting point, check the official link for your state, and talk to an attorney, your funeral home, or your state's consumer office if you have questions.
What can wait
The headstone. Dividing the ashes. Who keeps the flag or the urn. Whether to have a gathering next spring. None of it has to be settled the first week. What matters now is that someone with the right to decide makes the first arrangements.
Common Questions
Does the executor of the will decide about the funeral?
Not usually. Being named executor or inheriting property doesn't by itself give you the right to choose burial or cremation, though a few states, like Colorado and Utah, do rank the executor high on their list.
Can a power of attorney make funeral decisions after someone dies?
A financial power of attorney generally stops working at death, so it doesn't reach funeral choices. Some states let a health care agent decide if the paper says so, and Georgia, Tennessee and Vermont put that agent near the top.
What happens when siblings or adult children can't agree on the funeral?
It depends on the state. Some go by majority vote, some let one person act unless another objects, and if the family stays split, a judge settles it.
Is the person who decides responsible for paying for the funeral?
In many states, yes, at least for reasonable costs. When that's more than you can manage, the right usually moves to whoever is next in line, so be honest with the funeral home about what you can handle.
Can an unmarried partner make funeral decisions?
Only in some places. A few states list a domestic or civil union partner next to a spouse, but in most, a partner needs a signed paper naming them ahead of time.
How long does the family have to make funeral arrangements before losing the right?
Each state sets its own deadline, and some are counted in hours. The shortest we found is Iowa, at 24 hours from when you're notified, while Texas allows as many as 6 days.
How do I make sure the right person handles my funeral?
Name them in writing, using your state's form or wording, and sign it with the notary or witnesses your state asks for. Give copies to that person and your family rather than leaving it only in your will.
A gentle word before you go
Being the one who decides is heavy, even when the family agrees. If it's you, you're allowed to ask for help, to take a breath, and to choose the simple thing. If it isn't you, your love still counts. There will be other ways to say goodbye.
More help
- Who Will Decide for Me? (free 1-page printable; en español)
- When Someone Dies Unexpectedly: What to Do in the First 72 Hours
- Planning Your Own Funeral: A Gentle Guide
- Paying for a Funeral: What It Costs, Your Rights, Your Options and Who Can Help
- What Do I Do Now? (free tool)
- Funeral Cost Comparer (free tool)
Please note: I'm not a lawyer, and this isn't legal advice. Laws change, and every family's situation is different. Use this as a starting point, check the official link for your state, and talk to an attorney, your funeral home, or your state's consumer office if you have questions. The law where the person died is usually the one that applies. We read every law named here in November 2026.
These resources are free, always. If this helped your family and you'd like to say thank you, you can leave a small gift.
With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed