When someone is receiving hospice care, the question of the funeral often hangs quietly in the room. Many people want to plan their own goodbye. Many families want to ask, but don't know how. These free guides are here to help you both.
Free Planning Guides for Hospice Patients and Families
For the person planning, and for the people helping. Free to print in any U.S. state.
In My Own Words (for patients) →
In My Own Words, Large Print →
Planning Together (for families) →
If these guides helped you, you're welcome to leave a small thank-you gift.
Why Planning Your Own Goodbye Can Bring Peace
In a large national study from Duke University, seriously ill people said that having their funeral arrangements planned mattered to them, more than their doctors expected. A follow-up study found that patients were often more eager to plan practical things than to talk about their fears. If you would rather plan than talk about feelings, that is completely normal.
Planning gives you a voice in how you are remembered. It also lifts a heavy weight from your family, who would otherwise face dozens of decisions in the first raw days after a death.
Hope and Planning Can Live Together
Planning a funeral doesn't mean giving up. Doctors who care for people with serious illness describe something called double awareness: hoping for good days and getting ready, both at the same time. Most people move back and forth between the two, and that's healthy.
A Few Things That Can't Wait
- Body donation to science usually has to be arranged before death.
- Who will be in charge. If you want a friend or partner to make decisions instead of your next of kin, many states have a form you must sign ahead of time.
- Veterans: find the DD-214 now. The VA can confirm national cemetery eligibility in advance.
- Faith rituals that need to happen before death.
Your hospice social worker or chaplain can help with all of these.
For Families: Starting the Conversation
There is rarely a perfect moment. A gentle invitation is enough:
"I want to make sure that when the time comes, we do things the way you'd want. Would you be willing to talk about that a little?"
If they say no, respect it. You can ask one small question another day, like "Is there a song you'd want played?" or "If you'd rather not think about this, who would you trust to decide?"
When the Family Doesn't Agree
Disagreements usually come from love and grief, not bad intentions. Start with your loved one's own words, know who has the legal right to decide, and honor the spirit of their wishes even if every detail isn't possible. Planning Together includes a family meeting agenda and a simple family agreement page.
Know Your Rights With Funeral Homes
You can choose a funeral home now without paying anything now. Under the federal FTC Funeral Rule, funeral homes must give you prices by phone and a written price list in person, let you choose only what you want, and accept a casket or urn you buy elsewhere without a handling fee. Prices rise over time, so compare at least two price lists.
For Hospice Teams
Patients often want to talk about their funeral long before anyone asks. In My Own Words: Staff Guide helps social workers, chaplains, nurses, and volunteers open the conversation, respond to emotion, prioritize what can't wait, and help families who disagree. It includes a one-page summary form for the chart and a pocket card. Find it free in the Hospice Staff Library.
More Free Guides for Hospice Families
You may also find these helpful: My Funeral Wishes Worksheet, My Legacy Letters, and Questions to Ask While There's Time, and our guide to speaking up when care falls short.
Download the guides above: In My Own Words · Large Print · Planning Together
This article shares general information. It is not legal, financial, or medical advice. Funeral and burial laws vary by state. If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988.