Who to Call When Someone Dies, and What Can Wait

Most of us never learn who to call when someone dies until the day we need to know. Nobody hands you the list. You're standing there with a phone in your hand, and every number you can think of feels like the wrong one.

I wanted families to have that list before they need it. So this post walks through the first calls, in order. At the end, I'll show you how to turn them into a plan for your own family with our free What Do I Do Now? tool.

Jump to: The first call · Someone to help you · Funeral homes · Later in the week · Calls you can skip · Make your plan · Common questions

Your first call depends on where it happened

At home, with hospice. Phone the hospice's number, day or night, not 911. Their nurse comes to the house and confirms the death. The nurse also helps with the funeral home call. You don't have to hurry. Sitting with them for a while is fine.

At home, expected, without hospice. Call 911 and say that the death was expected. If they signed a DNR or POLST, keep it in your hand when the responders arrive. After that, let their doctor know.

Sudden or unexpected, anywhere. Call 911. Don't move them, and don't tidy the room or take anything out of it. Your county's coroner or medical examiner may need to look into the cause. That can push the funeral back a few days.

In a hospital, nursing home or care home. The staff handles the first calls. Someone will ask which funeral home you want. It's okay to say you need a little time.

In another state. Call a funeral home close to where you live. They can work with one in the other state to bring your person home.

In another country. Contact the U.S. embassy there. They can help with local officials, getting your person home, and the paperwork. USAGov explains how.

The second call: someone to help you

Pick one steady person, a sister, a friend, a neighbor. Hand them the list of people who need to hear the news. Telling everyone yourself is too much to carry, and it doesn't all have to be you.

Calling funeral homes

This call can wait a few hours. Under the FTC's Funeral Rule, you can ask for prices over the phone. When you visit, you get a written, itemized list, and you pay only for what you choose.

When my husband died late at night, I couldn't call anyone until morning. By then, another funeral home, there at the hospital for someone else, had already taken him without my asking. The mortuary I chose that morning got him back for me within a couple of hours. Calling a few places, and asking for prices first, is worth it.

If your faith has customs about timing or embalming, mention it to the funeral home the first time you call. For most deaths, the law doesn't require embalming.

If they ever served, look for their DD214 (discharge papers). The funeral home needs it to set up a national cemetery burial, a flag or honors. You or the funeral home can call the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117. VA's burial planning page has more.

Calls for later in the week

• Social Security. Funeral homes usually report the death for you. If no funeral home is involved, call 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778), weekdays from 8 am to 7 pm.
  • A spouse, or sometimes a child, may get a one-time $255 payment.
  • Ask about monthly survivor payments too.
  Social Security's page on reporting a death
• Their employer, if they were working. Ask about final pay and any life insurance through work.
• Your own job. Ask HR what time off you can take.
• Death certificates. Ask the funeral home how to get certified copies. After my husband died, I went to the county office for mine myself, so ask early about the steps in your county.

Calls you don't have to make

Banks, utilities, credit cards and subscriptions usually want a letter, not a phone call. Our Who to Notify Letter Maker, also free, writes them for you.

Watch for one call you should never trust. Some scammers pretend to be the funeral home and demand more money right away. Hang up, look up the funeral home's number yourself, and call them back. A real one never asks for gift cards, wire transfers or crypto. The FTC's warning about this scam

Turn your calls into a plan: how to use What Do I Do Now?

Every family's list is a little different. What Do I Do Now? builds yours from a few answers. It's free, and you don't need to sign up.

1. Open the page

If the words look small, click Large print. You can skip any question you don't want to answer.

2. Answer the questions

You'll be asked:

• who died and when
• where it happened
• whether faith or military service matters
• what state they lived in
• what your part is

Picking the state adds that state's official links, like vital records, the DMV, the veterans office and unclaimed money.

3. Tick anything that fits

Married, renting, a will, pets, life insurance, Social Security, a worry about paying for the funeral: each tick adds the steps that fit and drops the ones that don't. If a child or baby died, the list changes so it stays gentle.

4. Read your plan

Click Show my plan. Your steps come in four parts: Today, This week, This month and The coming months.

• Many steps include a list of what to have ready.
• The hardest calls come with a sentence you can read aloud.
• Under Today, two boxes show what can wait and what not to do yet.
• Tick each step off as you finish it.

5. Share the load

Every step has a Who's doing this? box. Type a name, and the plan keeps it. Print who's doing what gives everyone a one-page list. There's also a short "How you can help me" list to give anyone who asks how they can help.

6. Print it or save a PDF

Click Print my plan or Download my plan (PDF). The names you typed print with it.

7. Save your plan, and open it again later

The page keeps nothing once you close it. Saving a plan file is how you come back to it later.

• To save it: Click Save my plan file. A small file downloads to your computer, usually into your Downloads folder. Its name starts with "my-plan" and ends with today's date.
• Move it somewhere you'll find it, like your Documents folder. Since your names are inside it, keep it private.
• To open it again: Come back to the What Do I Do Now? page and click Open my saved plan near the top. A window opens. Find your "my-plan" file, click it, then click Open. Your answers, ticks and names all come back.
• Changed something? Click Save my plan file again. Use the newest file next time.

8. Add reminders to your calendar

In question 2, put in the date they died. After you click Show my plan, the Add reminders to my calendar button shows up under your plan. Clicking it downloads a small calendar file named "reminders." Here's how to add that file to your calendar.

Google Calendar (this works on a computer, not the phone app):

1. Open Google Calendar.
2. Click the gear in the top right, then Settings.
3. On the left, click Import & Export.
4. Click Select file from your computer, and choose the "reminders" file from Downloads.
5. Pick which calendar to add them to, then click Import.

The reminders then show up on your phone too, if it uses the same Google account. (Google's help page)

Outlook.com:

1. Sign in to Outlook.com and open your calendar.
2. Click Add calendar, then Upload from file.
3. Choose the "reminders" file, pick your calendar, and click Import.

Using an iPhone? The easiest way is to add the reminders on a computer, to the Google or Outlook calendar your phone already shows.

Depending on your answers, the reminders cover:

• their last tax return
• a gentle heads-up two weeks before the first anniversary
• health coverage deadlines, if your family's insurance came through them
• the VA burial allowance, if they served

They're one-time reminders. If you change your plan, download a new file and add it again.

Your privacy. Your answers never leave your own browser. We never see them, and the page keeps nothing after you close it. That's why printing, the PDF and the plan file matter: they're how you keep your work.

Make my plan →

Common Questions

Do you call 911 when someone dies on hospice?

No. Ring the hospice line instead, at any hour. A hospice nurse will come out to confirm the death and can help you reach the funeral home.

Who do you call when someone dies suddenly or unexpectedly?

Call 911 first. Leave your person and the room as they are, because the coroner or medical examiner in your county may need to find out why they died, and that can delay the funeral by a few days.

Who makes the first calls when someone dies in the hospital or a nursing home?

The staff there take care of those first calls for you. They will want to know which funeral home to use, and it's fine to tell them you need some time to decide.

How soon do you have to call a funeral home?

After an expected death, there's no rush. Funeral homes pick up the phone day and night, so you can spend some time with your person first and call when you feel ready.

Does the funeral home notify Social Security?

In most cases, yes, the funeral home reports it. When there is no funeral home, you'll need to phone Social Security yourself at 1-800-772-1213.

Who do you call if someone dies in another state or country?

For a death in another state, start with a funeral home near your own home, and it will coordinate with one where they died. If they died overseas, reach out to the U.S. embassy in that country for help with officials, paperwork and bringing your person home.

Is a call from the funeral home asking for money a scam?

It can be. Scammers sometimes pose as the funeral home and push for payment right now, so end the call and phone the funeral home back on a number you looked up on your own. A real funeral home won't ask you to pay with gift cards, a wire transfer or crypto.

More Help

• What Do I Do Now? Make your own plan
• The First Hours After a Death at Home
• When Someone Dies Unexpectedly: What to Do in the First 72 Hours
• Paying for a Funeral
• Who to Notify Letter Maker
• Everything They'll Need to Know, my book for the first days and weeks, and everything after

Please note: This guide is general information to help you through the first calls, not legal advice. Rules differ by state and county. When you're unsure, ask the office you're calling, your hospice or the funeral home.

With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed