Bereavement Leave Explained: What the Law Says and How to Ask

The call comes, and in the middle of everything, work pushes its way in. What do I tell my boss? How many days do I get? Will they want proof? Can I afford to take the time without pay?

When my husband died, the days right after weren't rest. They were phone calls, forms, and a trip to the county office for death certificates I had to get myself. Grief and paperwork arrive together, and both take time.

So here is what the law actually says, checked state by state on official pages, and how to ask for the time you need. If all you need right now is the words to send, skip down to How to ask.

Jump to: Is it the law? · State by state · Pregnancy loss · Who counts as family · FMLA and other time off · Federal, military and union jobs · Part time and gig work · Faith and travel · How to ask · If they say no · For managers · Common questions

Is bereavement leave the law?

In most of the country, no. No federal law requires a private employer to give you time off when someone dies. According to the federal Labor Department, paying for time away, a funeral included, is generally left to you and your employer to agree on.

That sounds harsh, but most workplaces do give something. In a 2024 survey by the International Foundation of Employee Benefit Plans, 90% of the employers who answered offered paid bereavement leave. The usual amount was about five days for immediate family, four for a grandparent or in-law, two for an aunt, uncle or cousin, and one day for a close friend or someone who is chosen family.

So your first stop is your employee handbook, your union contract, or a quick question to HR. Then check your state below. Where a state law gives you more than your company's policy, the law wins.

State by state

I checked each of these on the state's own law or labor department page in November 2026. Laws change, so if you're reading this later, click through to the official page for your state.

California. If your employer has five or more workers and you've worked there at least 30 days, you can be off for up to five days when a family member dies. The days don't have to be in a row, and they need to be taken within three months. They can be unpaid, but you can use vacation, sick or personal time, and if your company pays fewer than five days, you still get five in all. Your employer can ask for proof within 30 days, and has to keep it private.

California's change on January 1, 2027

A new law signed September 27, 2026 adds a "designated person": someone related to you by blood, or someone whose bond with you is the same as family. A best friend who was a sister to you. The aunt who raised you. The partner you never married. You can name them when you ask for leave. Your employer can limit you to one designated person in a 12-month period. It starts January 1, 2027.

Oregon. If your employer has 25 or more workers and you've worked there 180 days, averaging 25 hours a week, you can take up to two weeks for each family member who dies, up to four weeks a year. You have 60 days from when you learn of the death. It's unpaid unless you use paid time, but your job is protected. Oregon's family list includes anyone whose close bond with you is the equivalent of family.

Illinois. If your employer has 50 or more workers (or is a public employer) and you've worked 1,250 hours in the past year, you can take up to 10 unpaid workdays, or up to six weeks if more than one loss happens in a year. It covers a child, stepchild, spouse, domestic partner, sibling, parent, in-law, grandchild, grandparent or stepparent. Use it within 60 days, and give 48 hours' notice when you reasonably can. A separate Illinois law, the Child Extended Bereavement Leave Act, gives a parent whose child died by suicide or homicide six weeks of unpaid leave at employers with 50 to 249 workers, and 12 weeks at larger ones.

Vermont. If your employer has 10 or more workers and you've worked there a year, averaging 30 hours a week, you can use up to two weeks a year, no more than five workdays in a row. It can be taken any time within a year of the death, and it counts time spent settling your loved one's estate. That's rare, and it matters: the paperwork goes on long after the funeral.

Maryland. Maryland doesn't add days, but if your employer has 15 or more workers and gives paid leave, you're allowed to use that paid leave when your child, spouse or parent dies, including a stepchild or stepparent.

Colorado and Minnesota. Both let you use your paid sick leave after a family member dies. In Colorado, that covers grieving, the funeral or memorial, and money or legal matters after the death, at employers of any size. In Minnesota, earned sick and safe time can be used to make funeral arrangements, attend the service, or handle money or legal matters.

Washington. Washington's paid leave program doesn't cover bereavement in general. It does allow seven days of family leave when a child dies, for parents who would have qualified for leave for that child's birth or placement. You may see Washington listed online as giving seven paid days for any death starting July 2026. The bill those pages name is about pregnancy accommodations, and the state's own page still says bereavement isn't covered.

Paid leave for any reason. A few states give paid time you can use for any reason, without saying why. Illinois is one: under its Paid Leave for All Workers Act, you don't have to give a reason or show proof.

Everywhere else, your company's policy decides. Many still give days, and asking kindly and clearly often gets more than you'd expect.

When the loss was a pregnancy or a baby

This grief is real, and so is your need for time. Some places in the law finally say so.

California gives up to five days after a miscarriage, stillbirth, failed adoption, failed surrogacy or unsuccessful assisted reproduction, for workplaces of five or more. It also applies to a partner or anyone who would have been the child's parent. If there's more than one loss in a year, it's up to 20 days.

Illinois covers stillbirth, miscarriage, an unsuccessful fertility procedure, a failed adoption or surrogacy, and a diagnosis that negatively affects a pregnancy or fertility. Your employer can't make you say which one happened. The state has a documentation form you can use instead.

Anywhere in the U.S., if your workplace has 15 or more employees, the federal Pregnant Workers Fairness Act protects workers with pregnancy-related conditions, miscarriage among them, and leave for healing is one of the accommodations it allows. In Vermont, recovery from a miscarriage is part of the state's parental leave.

And if your baby was born and then died, many of the family bereavement rules above apply as they would for any child. When Your Baby Dies, another of our guides, walks through the first days.

Who counts as family

Laws and handbooks draw lines around family. Love doesn't always stay inside them.

Most policies list a spouse, child, parent, sibling and grandparent. Many add in-laws and step relatives; Illinois and Vermont spell those out. Fewer cover the people who raised you without papers, an unmarried partner, an ex you shared children with, or a friend who felt like family.

That's starting to change. Oregon already covers someone whose bond with you is the equivalent of family. California will, starting January 1, 2027. Even where the law doesn't reach, ask anyway. Tell them, in one plain sentence, what this person was to you: "She raised me from the time I was eight." Many managers will say yes to that.

And if the one you lost was your dog, cat or other animal companion, none of the state laws above include animals. That grief is real too. It's fine to ask for a day, or to use a personal or vacation day without explaining.

When others don't see this loss as yours to mourn, there's a guide for that too: When Your Grief Isn't Recognized.

FMLA and other time off

FMLA, the federal family leave law, doesn't cover a death itself. But it can still matter, before and after.

Before: if you're looking after a parent, spouse or child with a serious health condition, FMLA can protect up to 12 weeks off in a year. That includes the hard weeks of hospice. It applies if your employer has 50 or more workers near you, and you've worked there a year and at least 1,250 hours.

After: grief isn't an illness, but sometimes it brings one. If depression or anxiety keeps you from working and you're being treated by a doctor or counselor, that can count as your own serious health condition under FMLA.

Your own time: vacation, sick days or PTO can usually fill the gap, and in California, Oregon, Vermont and Maryland, the law says you can use them for bereavement. If you've used it all, ask for unpaid days, a shorter week for a while, or working from home.

If money is the worry: ask whether you can borrow against PTO you haven't earned yet. Federal agencies are allowed to advance sick leave for a death in the family, and it never hurts to ask a private employer whether it will do the same.

Federal, military, union and public jobs

Federal employees can use up to 104 hours of sick leave a year to make arrangements after a family member's death or attend the funeral. Federal law also gives two weeks of paid leave after the death of a son or daughter. Your agency's HR office handles both.

Service members whose spouse or child dies can take up to 14 days of bereavement leave that isn't charged against their leave, if they have fewer than 30 days of leave saved. Ask your command or your branch's personnel office.

Union members: your contract often has its own bereavement days, sometimes more than the law. Your steward can tell you what it says. In California, a union contract with equal bereavement leave can take the place of the state rule.

City, county, state and school jobs usually have their own written leave rules. California's law covers public employers too.

Part time, new, gig or more than one job

Part-time workers aren't left out by default. California's law has no minimum hours, only 30 days on the job. Other states set hours: Oregon averages 25 a week, Illinois counts 1,250 in a year, and Vermont averages 30.

If you're brand new, ask anyway. Many managers will find a way.

These laws protect employees. If you're paid as an independent contractor or through a gig app, they usually won't apply, and the time off is up to you. Let your clients know you're stepping away. If you think you were labeled a contractor when you're really an employee, the Department of Labor explains how to tell.

Working two jobs? Each employer's rules apply on their own, so ask at both.

Faith, culture and travel

Not every family says goodbye on the same timeline. Your faith, your culture, or simply the miles between your relatives may decide when the service is and how long you mourn.

If your faith shapes when or how long you mourn, you can ask for a religious accommodation. Any employer of 15 people or more has to make reasonable room for religious practices unless it would be a substantial burden on the business. Say what you need and why, plainly.

If you're traveling far, or the service is weeks away, ask to split your days. California allows days that aren't in a row within three months; Oregon and Illinois give 60 days; Vermont gives a year. Even where the law is silent, "Could I take two days now and three for the memorial in March?" is an easy yes for many employers.

How to ask

You shouldn't have to write a careful letter on the worst day of your life. You don't. Here's the simplest way through.

Tell your manager first, in whatever way you can. A call, a text, or a quick message is fine: "My father died last night. I need to take bereavement leave. I'll send details when I can." That's enough for today.

Then put it in writing. An email within a day or two gives you a record. Say who died and your relationship, the days you need (or that you don't know yet), and ask what the policy is and whether it's paid. If you're in California and naming a designated person, say so. If it was a pregnancy loss in Illinois, "a qualifying reproductive loss" is enough.

Ask for the policy in writing. How many days, paid or unpaid, and whether you can use PTO for the rest.

About proof. Many employers ask for it, but not right away. In California and Vermont, the law accepts a death certificate, a published obituary, or written word from the mortuary, cemetery, place of worship or a government office. California gives you 30 days. You never have to share how they died.

If you can't make the call, someone else can make it for you: a partner, a friend, a grown child.

Our printable below has a fill-in letter, the short version for a text, and a record page for dates and answers.

If they say no

Hearing no when you're grieving can knock the breath out of you. Take a moment. Then, one step at a time:

Ask what the no is based on, in writing. Sometimes it's a misunderstanding or a manager who doesn't know the rules.

Offer a middle path: PTO, unpaid days, a split schedule, a few days of working from home.

If your state has a law, mention it calmly: "I believe California law allows up to five days." In California and Oregon, punishing you for taking protected leave is against the law.

Keep notes: dates, who said what, copies of emails.

Get help if you need it. In California, the Civil Rights Department takes complaints. In Oregon, it's BOLI; in Illinois, the Department of Labor. Anywhere else, start with your state labor office, your union, or a local legal aid office.

For managers

If someone on your team just lost a person they love, the kindest gift you can give is making this part easy.

Say yes quickly, and say it warmly. Sort out the details later.

Tell them plainly how many days they have, whether they're paid, and who will cover their work.

Don't ask for proof the first week, or ask how they died. Let the days be split for travel or a later service.

Check your state's law before you write or apply a policy, and think about adding chosen family. In California, you'll need a way for workers to name a designated person by January 1, 2027.

If it's your employee who died, my guide When an Employee Dies walks through those early days and weeks from the employer's side.

What can wait

The proof can wait, usually weeks. The HR forms can wait a day or two. You don't have to decide every day off right now, either. Just the first few. And the estate calls and paperwork can be handled next month; if you're in Vermont, even time for those can count.

Common Questions

Is bereavement leave required by law?

Not under federal law. A handful of states have their own rules, including California, Oregon, Illinois and Vermont; elsewhere your employer's policy decides.

How many days of bereavement leave do people usually get?

Many employers give about five days for close family. In a 2024 employer survey, grandparents and in-laws usually got around four days, and extended family less.

Is bereavement leave paid?

Often yes, if your employer offers it, but state laws mostly guarantee the time, not the pay. You can usually use vacation, sick days or PTO to cover unpaid days.

Do I have to show proof of a death for bereavement leave?

Your employer may ask, though not usually right away. A death certificate, an obituary or a note from the funeral home generally works, and you never have to share the cause.

Does FMLA cover bereavement?

Not the death itself. It can protect time off to care for a seriously ill family member beforehand, and it may cover grief-related depression or anxiety you're being treated for.

Can I take bereavement leave for a miscarriage?

In California and Illinois, yes, under their state laws. Anywhere in the U.S., workplaces with 15 or more people may owe you time to heal under the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act.

Can I take bereavement leave for a friend or someone who isn't legally family?

Oregon covers someone who is like family to you, and California will starting January 1, 2027. Elsewhere, ask anyway and explain in one sentence what they meant to you.

When it's time to go back

A few days off doesn't mean the grief is done. Going back can be its own hard day. Our free Going Back to Work After a Loss page (en español) has words for coworkers and a plan for the moments grief catches you at work. Grieving as an Adult goes deeper.

You're allowed to need this time

You're not asking for a favor. You're asking for room to bury someone you love, to sit with your family, and to get your feet back under you. Whatever the policy says, that need is real. I hope you get every day you're owed, and a kind word with them.

Printable: Asking for Bereavement Leave

More help

• When an Employee Dies: What Managers and Small Businesses Should Do
• Grieving as an Adult: A Gentle Guide for Every Kind of Loss
• When Your Grief Isn't Recognized
• Who to Call When Someone Dies, and What Can Wait
• Who to Notify Letter Maker

Please note: this post is general information, not legal advice. Leave laws differ by state and by employer, and they change. For your own situation, ask your HR office, your union, your state labor department, or a lawyer or legal aid office.

With care,
C. Lindorfer, Noted & Charmed