When a Baby Dies: Helping Big Brothers and Sisters Grieve

When a baby dies, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or in the days, weeks, or months after birth, parents are carrying one of the deepest griefs there is. And often, at the very same time, there’s a big brother or sister at home who was waiting for that baby too, and who now needs someone to explain what happened.

If this is your family, we are so sorry. You may be wondering how to find words for your children when you can barely find them for yourself. This guide shares what baby loss and child grief organizations recommend, in plain language, so you can help your other children through this without having to do it perfectly.

You Are Not Alone

Baby loss is far more common than most people realize, and far less talked about. In 2024, nearly 20,000 babies in the U.S. were stillborn, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and stillbirths affect about as many families each year as infant deaths do. Behind each of those numbers are parents, grandparents, and very often, brothers and sisters.

Tell Them Soon, and Tell Them the Truth

It’s natural to want to protect your children, especially very young ones. But baby loss organizations say it’s important for you, or another adult close to them, to tell your children about the baby’s death as soon as you can. Children sense when something is wrong. Without an explanation, they may fill in the blanks, or blame themselves.

Use simple, honest words, like “died” and “dead.” Avoid “the baby is sleeping” or “we lost the baby,” which can make a child think the baby might wake up or be found.

The UK baby loss charity Sands suggests simple explanations like these, which you can adjust for your family:

• Stillbirth: “The baby was sick, and died in Mommy’s tummy.”
• After birth: “The doctors and nurses took very good care of your brother, and he loved your visit. But he was very sick, and he died.”
• A serious medical condition: “Your baby sister’s body didn’t grow the way it needed to, so she died.”
• When no one knows why: “We’re not sure why the baby died. But we know you didn’t do anything wrong, and that you loved him very much.”

Young children may ask the same questions again and again, like when the baby is coming home or whether they can visit the baby. That’s how they work out what death means. Answer gently each time.

“Did I Make This Happen?”

A new baby can stir up mixed feelings in a child: excitement, but also worry about sharing Mom and Dad. Some children secretly wished the baby wouldn’t come, or said something unkind about the baby. When the baby dies, they may believe their thoughts or words caused it. The child bereavement charity Winston’s Wish recommends reassuring children clearly that nothing they said, thought, or wished caused the baby’s death. It wasn’t their fault. Say it even if they don’t ask.

Should They Meet the Baby?

This is a very personal decision, and there’s no single right answer. Many parents who have been through a stillbirth have found it helpful to let their other children meet their baby sibling and take part in saying goodbye. In one study of parents’ experiences, their advice was to make the baby and the loss real for siblings, by inviting them to see and hold the baby while respecting each child’s feelings and readiness.

If you choose this, prepare your child ahead of time for how the baby will look and feel, and let them come close in a quiet moment, at their own pace. Never force it. If meeting the baby isn’t possible or right for your family, photos, a lock of hair, handprints or footprints, a hospital bracelet, or a special blanket can help make the baby real to their brother or sister.

Including Siblings in Saying Goodbye

Children often feel better when they have a part to play. They might:

• Draw a picture or write a letter to tuck in with the baby
• Choose a small toy or blanket for the baby
• Help pick a song, a poem, or flowers for the service
• Help make a memory box with the baby’s things

Our guide Should Children Attend a Funeral? can help you prepare them for a service, and our Poems for an Infant Funeral Program and Poems for a Stillbirth or Pregnancy Loss include gentle words siblings can help choose.

What You Might See

• Toddlers and preschoolers may not understand death yet, but they notice the sadness at home and changes in routine. They may become clingy, or play out what happened.
• School-age children may ask very direct questions, worry that someone else will die, or feel guilty.
• Older children and teens may hide their own grief to protect you, or quietly take on extra responsibilities at home.

Children may also come back to their questions weeks, months, or even years later, as they grow and understand more. That’s normal.

When Worries Grow

After a baby dies, it’s natural for children to worry that you, or someone else they love, will die too. Be reassuring and honest together. You might say, “We’re all healthy, and we expect to stay that way.” If there’s a future pregnancy, your children may feel excited and scared at the same time. Let them talk about both.

It’s Okay for Them to See You Grieve

You don’t have to hide your tears. Sharing your sadness helps your children feel it’s safe to share theirs. You can say, “I’m sad today because I miss the baby. I’m okay, and I’m always here for you.” Let them know, too, that it’s not their job to take care of you. Older children especially need to hear that.

Keep Their Baby Brother or Sister Part of the Family

• Say the baby’s name, and let your children say it too
• Keep a photo or memory box where your children can see it
• Light a candle or do something special on the baby’s birthday
• Let your children count the baby when they talk about their family, if they want to

For more on how siblings grieve, see our guide When a Child Loses a Brother or Sister. For younger children, our free My Memory Book also has drawing pages and a “Going to the Service” page.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

You are grieving your baby while parenting your other children, and that is an enormous weight. Lean on the people around you for meals, rides, and time to rest. Baby loss support groups can help you feel less alone. If your grief feels unmanageable, or you feel unable to care for your children, please reach out to your doctor or a counselor. That’s a sign to get support, not a sign of failure.

When a Child Needs More Help

Talk with your child’s pediatrician, school counselor, or a grief professional if, after the first few months, a child:

• Still has ongoing trouble sleeping, eating, or at school
• Seems stuck in fear, sadness, or guilt that isn’t easing
• Can’t stop worrying that you or someone else will die
• Withdraws from friends and activities they used to enjoy

If anyone in your family is in crisis, or talks about wanting to die or hurting themselves, get help right away. Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911 in an emergency.

Free Help for Families

• Dougy Center: free tip sheets for grieving children and teens, and a directory of grief support groups
• National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG): find a children’s grief program near you
• Sands: free resources, stories, and activities for siblings after a baby dies
• Winston’s Wish: guidance on supporting children after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or baby death
• Your hospital’s bereavement team or local hospice: many offer free baby loss and family grief support

More from us: When a Child Loses a Brother or Sister, Helping a Grieving Child in the Weeks and Months After, and Free Grief Coloring Pages for Kids.

Sources

• Tommy’s, Supporting Siblings Through a Stillbirth or Neonatal Death
• Sands, Bereavement Support Resources for Siblings and Young People
• Winston’s Wish, Supporting Children and Young People After a Baby Dies
• Make the Stillborn Baby and the Loss Real for the Siblings: Parents’ Advice on How the Siblings of a Stillborn Baby Can Be Supported (peer-reviewed study)
• Seleni Institute, Talking to Children About Stillbirth
• Butterfly Kisses Alliance, Siblings & Grief
• Three Little Birds Perinatal, Supporting Siblings Through Perinatal Loss
• CNN, US Stillbirth Rate Improved Last Year, but Progress Is Slow (December 2025, reporting CDC data for 2024)

Please note: Noted & Charmed is not a medical or mental health provider. This guide and printable are general information and comfort resources based on published guidance from baby loss and child grief organizations and research. They are not therapy or medical advice, or a substitute for support from your doctor, a counselor, or a grief professional. Every family and every child grieves differently. In a crisis, call or text 988 or call 911.

Looking for more gentle tools for grieving kids and families? See all of our free printables here.